The Perfectly Planned Surprise

I don't usually write at night. Most of the time I am getting ready to send myself to bed to read and unwind after a long day. Tonight though, I am writing as I wait for the clock to strike 10 and my overnight shift with my adorable grandson to begin. I enjoy the time I get to spend with him one on one. While the rest of the house is off to dreamland, I am making sure he is well fed and changed, cuddled against my chest while I tell him stories or sing him some not-so-traditional lullaby's. Most grandmother's don't really get to experience what I do because not all are lucky enough to have their grandchildren residing under the same roof as them. I have to admit, if someone would have told me a year ago that I would be spending tonight tending to my grandson I would have told them they were on drugs. This was never the way I saw things unfolding. I didn't expect to have a grandson before I even turned 35 and I surely never expected to have my daughter and her new family living under the same roof with me when it did finally happen. Life is funny that way I suppose. We spend a lot of time planning our lives and our futures only to have the unexpected happen all the time to change the direction we thought we were heading in. Sometimes these changes in our course are positive like when each of my girls were born, sometimes not so much, but all changes can lead to new opportunities and blessings which perhaps we never knew we wanted but are so grateful we have received. At least this is the way I feel when I am starring down into my grandson's perfect little face, wondering if he can see me yet, knowing without a doubt that he can feel the love in my heart for him. I remember those quiet times with each of my daughters...seeing those same looks of recognition, feeling the exchange of energy as the bond is created and knowing that we are connected together for all time. It was amazing and life changing then and it still is. The power of unconditional love.

To Be What It Needs To Be

I don't really know what I am doing here. Now, this is not some massive metaphysical quandary I am speaking of, but this blog. I had thought to delete every entry in here today and start again in the hopes of making it, for once and for all, what I want it to be. But there are two issues with that. The first being that I don't really know what I want to do with this little corner of cyberspace that I have declared as my own. I had thought the quotes a fantastic idea, and I still believe that I was able to really delve deep in some cases, taking from a few simple words a wealth of meaning. My hope was also to help  give inspiration to others who may have been struggling, who needed a little bit of encouragement or another way to look at something and I can only pray that in some way I was successful. However, this effort also left me feeling like I was somehow getting the short end of the stick sometimes. Instead of freely writing about what was naturally flowing within me, I was always busy trying to find words spoken by other people to try and make sense of my own tangled thoughts. The problem with doing this is that I am bypassing my own reflections to some degree because they are NOT my words that I am breaking apart to find meaning but the thoughts, feelings and opinions of another mind. Yes, I can relate to those inspirations and I can pull strength from them when my mind is grasping for something to hold on to but ultimately, to truly be able to call this space mine, these have to be my thoughts, my words, my feelings and opinions.  The second reason I have decided not to delete all posting up to this point is because it just seems like an awful waste of time, energy and thought. I may have started the entries with quotes contributed to other people but that was not what the entire blog posting was about. They were all how I  tried to interpreted these quotes into my own life and circumstances.  And so, no matter which direction this blog takes, I will leave those writings for they are a part of where I was at that particular moment in time. There is no reason that the topics and styles of the blog can't change and evolve with me, because the purpose is and always has been ME. These are my thoughts, my insights and admissions no matter if I am showing them by the quote I chose one day to break apart and interpret or the manner of letting my mind wander as I am now, letting the writing become fluid and letting it be what it needs to be. I am a work in progress, and so too shall this space be.

Namaste

The Importance of Trying

Happy Friday everyone! I can't believe that this is the last Friday of January already..it has flown by so quickly! There has been much to keep me preoccupied these last few weeks and I think I have chosen well in today's quote as a reflection of where my thought patterns are coming from today.

Today's Quote: "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore (Teddy) Roosevelt

I started to type today on the importance of trying, even if we don't succeed right away and I came up with a plethora of examples from politics, to science and medicine to the basic things we have come to depend on in our daily lives. These things include but are not limited to; homes that can withstand the elements, indoor plumbing and central heating, our televisions, computers and even that silicone pot holder you used to take your chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.  If we were to really take apart even the simplest things we have, know, see or experience in our lives today, other than things that we can find naturally occurring around us, everything else was the result of an idea; a simple thought that was acted upon. Now, we all have ideas but the key is that these ideas were then put into action to become what we know them to be today. The process of putting thought into action means that there was most likely  some failures, some errors made along the way that required the original idea to be tweaked until it went from thought to actually being. How tragic our lives would have been if all the amazing minds that have contributed to what we know of existence today, had given up the first time they failed. Now, some might say that these contributions to our lives were the work of exceptional minds and I would not disagree with that statement at all, however, what made them so exceptional? Was it the fact that they had the courage and determination to act on their ideas or was it a level of intelligence that gave them the idea in the first place? I tend to believe that it was the former and not the latter. ANY person can think. Any person can dream up fantastic images of things that they wish existed or a way of life they wish they could experience. That is the power of imagination and we all have one. What we do with those ideas is totally dependent on us. Not every idea is a good one and not every idea will change the world dramatically but that does not mean that we don't all have good ideas that COULD change our lives. The majority of the population, however, will not take that risk. Perhaps they think their ideas are silly, maybe they fear they are bad ideas and are so worried about it failing that they play it safe and keep the idea to themselves. Some people I am sure just feel they don't have the resources to make it a reality. Whatever the cause, it is but a small few who will continuously work to take what is in their heads and no matter how many times they may stumble, keep pushing onward until their idea has become integrated into our way of life. The same can be said for other aspects of our lives as well. This sense of determination is not limited to those who are trying to invent something, or change world policy etc. Perhaps what we are talking about here  is the idea that we can achieve a certain personal goal for ourselves and not something as dramatic as changing the way the entire world experiences their lives. This is no less important of a message for those seeking to advance their own existences, to expand their own personal knowledge and horizons and improve upon themselves. In fact, I would say that this message is even more important to those who are struggling to find a good reason to get up in the morning, to continue barreling on regardless of what life may throw in their pathways. Those in this scenario are no less intelligent or important than anyone else on the planet. My advice to you all, no matter where you are at in your lives, is to never give up, never give in and ALWAYS keep trying your best and reaching for your stars. You never know when you might discover something amazing!

Namaste

In Sickness And In Health: A Marriage To Oneself

Good morning all. I am going to cut to the chase because I have a lot to say regarding today's choice of wisdom.

Today's Quote:  "This is the true joy in life--the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." - George Bernard Shaw

There are a couple different reasons why I chose this quote today. The first is because I agree with it completely. The second, however, is that lately I have been feeling more like the latter part of this message than the former and I needed to give myself a good hard shake to wake myself up. Having said that though, I do not think the world should devote itself to making me happy. No one and nothing can MAKE me anything. That is a choice I make for myself. However, I have been feeling somewhat like a clod of ailments and grievances. I can admit that I have not been feeling at my best. I have had my physical challenges reminding me in their ever persistent and painful ways that I do, in fact, have limitations. I seem to have sponged up some sort of virus that has been going through my house and friends like a wild fire, there have been the stresses of life in general and there is also my birthday coming up and my realization that I have had to disappoint some people because of my own shortcomings.  I am also feeling a bit disappointed with myself for letting these things blind me from seeing and following my goals in life. The result is that I have been feeling somewhat limited, overwhelmed and stressed out these past few days. It never ceases to amaze me how, if we are looking for them, the answers are always there for us. Such was the case for me this morning. Before I found today's choice quote and decided to start writing, I was sitting and drinking my morning cup of tea when I had one of those moments of sheer "well duh!". Some would call them epiphanies I suppose, but I like to think of them more as the moment when our minds decide to turn their lights on for a moment, enabling us a better glimpse of it's working parts. My personal glimpse this morning told me that I was being a very sad and lazy person lately. I had allowed my physical challenges, like health and pain, to overwhelm my greatest strength...my mind. I had allowed the physical cues to convince me that I was not able to deal with the other challenges I wanted to face, the goals I had made for myself, the victories I could all but taste on my tongue. I was allowing my own tainted perceptions to add to my overall health. Do I feel well today? On a physical level, no not really if I am being completely honest but here is an even bigger question...am I going to allow it to control me? No. I am not. I have endometriosis and with it comes physical limitations. That is just a fact. So instead of letting the pain levels drag me into a state of depression I will respect those limitations, but I will no longer succumb to them. I have a virus wracking my body but that doesn't mean it needs to take hold of my entire outlook. It just means that I will have to modify my schedule for the next couple days to allow myself to heal. I have allowed the issues of life to stress me out to the point of overwhelming my ability  to problem solve lately but that too is going to be changed. I am more than capable of handling any challenge that life throws at me because I am an intelligent woman with so many resources at my disposal if I would just utilize them more. These are all purposes I consider to be mighty and worthy of my time and energy. These are things that will improve my life, my outlook, my health and my growth as a person. This is how I can once again become a force of nature. I bid you all a glorious day and a moment of clarity to enhance your lives for the better. May you all be blessed.

Namaste

Building An Improved Model of Self

Good Morning all. I would not usually use a quote directed at a certain religious bent however this one I believe can be modified to fit anyone's beliefs. In my opinion the message it relays is far more important than any correlation between it and any one religious path.

Today's Quote: "Just in case you believe that great social problems are beyond your scope, consider this story: God said to me: Your task is to build a better world. I answered: How can I do that? The world is such a large, vast place, so complicated now, and I am so small and useless. There's nothing I can do. But God in his great wisdom said: Just build a better you." - Anonymous

 For those who know me, you all know that I am Wiccan so if I can see set aside the religious aspects of this quote and grasp the message that by being the best human being I can be, I can change my world, I think that anyone can find this quote just as inspirational. I would consider this quote to be just as profound had the conversation been between a parent/child, teacher/pupil, or any other type of relationship dynamic that exists in the world. The key, for me anyway, is not the word God. It is the overall message that we, as individual people, have the power to change the world for the better. By making ourselves into what we each consider to be good people filled with love, understanding and compassion, we directly influence those around us. If we live our lives like the entire world is watching us and using us as the example of how life should be lived, we have the opportunity to lead by good example, to show people who perhaps do not know how to live in such a way that it is possible and the bounty that comes with it. If we can influence just the people in our immediate circles, then those people influence the people in their circles and so on and so forth until before we know it, our example has been extended beyond any scope of what we conceived even possible. This is how one person CAN change the world that they exist in. Can you imagine the possibilities of this effect on a world wide scale? If every person was to build themselves to be better people than they were before? The result would be unlike anything we have ever experienced. Life would be drastically different from the one in which we all currently live.  Now, I am not saying that by doing so we can remove every single negative aspect of life. With so many unique people from different cultures and beliefs, different backgrounds and moral compasses existing on one planet together there are bound to be challenges and hardships, the clashing of ideas and opinions.  However, if each of us were working on building ourselves into better people, perhaps those troubled times would not becoming all encompassing global problems and everyone would get what they need to live their lives as peacefully and productively as possible. Becoming a better person, never mind a better species, does not happen over night. It is a process that we have to constantly be working on to improve. It requires an open mind and heart, determination, forgiveness, as well as knowledge, experience, support and education. There has to be honesty with ourselves and others, empathy, communication and a willingness to see things from another persons perspective so that we can understand our fellow human beings better and help them to improve their own circumstances. It takes a lot of hard work to build ourselves into the best people we can possibly be, but the rewards of taking the steps have the ability to change not only our own lives for the better but the entire population, one person at a time. I invite you all to become the best people you can be, to influence those around you so that the ripple effect of your productivity and hard work can enhance the lives of so many others. Even the smallest improvement can have dramatic results.

Namaste

Dog Eats Dog

Good morning everyone! I was searching for a quote that had to do with people taking advantage of others, something that I feel is currently happening to me, when I came across one that stopped that search in it's tracks. I thought to myself, this is exactly the type of situation this quote applies to and so I offer it up for today instead of where my mind had originally wanted to go.

Today's Quote: "A Native American Elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "the one I feed the most." - George Bernard Shaw

As I said before, I was completely set on the topic for today because of the way I am being treated by certain people in my circle.  I wanted to get those feelings processed and out in the open so that they did not begin to eat away at my peace of mind today. However, when I read the quote above, I had one of those moments where I felt like I was standing at a crossroads and before me lay my two options. I could either stay on my current path, allowing the actions of another person to taint my day and in essence feed the mean and evil dog, or I could choose to feed the good dog, the one that tells me that it can only taint my day if I allow it to. I obviously chose the latter of the two. I think this quote was so profound to me because of the simplicity of the visualization. I can see it now:...two dogs, one foaming and aggressive, wild in its very nature and out of control while the other is standing tall and silent, a calming aura of self control shown in its eyes, in the very stance it takes. Feeding the former would make that dog all the stronger in its chaos and unpredictability. It would enable the dog to become more of a destructive force. However, if you were to starve that dog and instead put everything into feeding the "good" dog and making it stronger, because of its very nature nature that strength could then be harnessed and controlled,  focused on a more productive target. I don't know about you but I would rather be able to hold the reigns and control my inner dog then have a dangerous one pulling me along as it runs rampant, terrorizing anything and everything that crosses its path. I hope that this quote does for you what it has done for me in allowing you that moment of clarity when faced with a choice. It is a dog eat dog world out there, so make sure your companion is the one being fed the good stuff!

Namaste

Life is Life

Good morning all! It has been a few days since I have written and for that I apologize. There have been many things going on around me and not all have been the most pleasant but they all are kept in perspective by the following lyrics that have always been somewhat of a mantra to me when I am having a difficult moment, day or week.

"Life is life when we all feel the power. Life is life come on, stand up and dance. Life is life when the feeling of the people. Life is life is the feeling of the band!  When we all give the power, we all give the best. Every minute of an hour, don't think about the rest. Then you all get the power, you all get the best.When everyone gives everything and every song everybody sings... And it's life!" Opus


It can be extremely difficult to stay positive when it feels like the world is closing in on you. There are times when I just want to scream with all the stress, obligations and expectations that are placed on me. I have been having such an experience the last few days. My physical challenges have made me feel extremely inefficient, the obligations I feel towards my family have had me stressing out, trying to accomplish all tasks placed at my feet even though I have not been feeling well at all. There have been weather challenges that have seen all the girls home this week and so the house has not had that level of quiet which I use to calm my loud thoughts. I just have not been feeling at my best and it's hard to remember that life does not stop just because I am not well or am feeling overwhelmed when I am already feeling beaten and broken. So today, I need something to grasp onto and this song has always had a way of doing that for me, of reminding me that life does indeed go on and that it will be whatever we allow it to be. It sorta reminds me of that ING commercial...if you don't want to pay banking fees then stop paying banking fees. Only this time I am hearing...if you don't want to be stressed out about things then don't be stressed out about things. It really is that simple of a concept, even if it is not so simple to execute. You have to make the choice, choose your course of action and make the sacrifices. But it can be done if you want it bad enough. Life is life. No one is exempt from stress or problems, just like no one is incapable of having the possibilities to feel fulfillment and joy. It is all in how we choose to view things, handle things, allow things to effect us. Today I am going to do my level best to stay positive, to not let the things I can't control control me, to not let the little challenges become all consuming problems. Today I am going to try my hardest to keep a firm grasp on my perceptions and limitations, remembering that I am but one person and have numerous others in my life that are willing and capable of sharing my load. Sometimes being a leader means you have to learn to delegate, otherwise we would drown in all the things that require our attention. We would forever fall behind and never catch up. Today I will put those skills to work, to lessen the stresses on me so that I can work on getting over the health issues plaguing me at the moment. That is the first step and the most critical because it is the outlook that will define the experience and I want every experience to be as positive and healthy as I can possibly make it for me and everyone around me. I hope that today's quote has been the pick me up that you have needed or the confirmation of what you are already practicing. Have a healthy, positive day readers and just remember..life is life!
Namaste

Uprising...an everyday occurance

Wow look at me go! Two days in a row! I'm a poet and...well..ok..so I know it but that is besides the point! Yesterday's lyrical content has got me on this whole new kick and so without hesitation, I offer up the following lyrics for today's quote.

" Rise up and take the power back, it's time the fat cats had a heart attack, you know that their time is coming to an end. We have to unify and watch our flag ascend.  They will not force us. They will stop degrading us. They will not control us. We will be victorious!" Muse

This is the type of song that I listen to when I am feeling just that little bit rebellious against life in general. This is my "put that in your pipe and smoke it" song. I am almost positive that the song is talking about corporate greed and corrupt governments, however, I think the song is applicable to any situation in life where we need to just stand up for what WE believe in, instead of what we are being told to believe in. This is a song for the victims who are no longer willing to take being victimized. This could mean standing up against bullies, racism, religious persecution, sexism or any other situation where we are going against what we know is truly just and fair. Maybe you are not getting the raise you know you deserve, maybe you're tired of not being picked for a team because you know it is really just a popularity contest and has nothing to do with actual skill and maybe you just want your spouse to start doing their fair share around the house. This song fits in all circumstances because there are always times when we, as people, tend to want to scream "enough is enough". To me this is what these lyrics are all about. Taking a stand and allowing no one to use us for their own personal gain. It is about taking control of the direction our lives are going in, deciding what we will and will not tolerate and demanding the respect we are owed simply because we ARE equal to everyone else. We are all made of flesh and bone. We all think, feel and bleed just like any other person on the planet and this makes us equal. Sure, we all have different backgrounds, cultures and skills, we have not all been graced with good looks or overflowing bank accounts, but that does not make us any less human. It just makes us different. I hope you can all draw strength from these lyrics and the many other ones that are out there with similar messages. Maybe if we all started to stand up just that little bit extra for what is right, this world would become a more tolerant and beautiful place to live. 

Namaste

What I've Done... Apologies to Myself.

Good morning all. I hope everyone enjoyed their weekends. Today's quote is not really a quote but the entire lyrical content of a song that has become almost an anthem to me through various struggles I have had to overcome. 

"In this farewell, there’s no blood, there’s no alibi. ‘Cause I’ve drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies. So let mercy come and wash away what I’ve done. I'll face myself. To cross out what I’ve become. Erase myself and let go of what I’ve done. Put to rest what you thought of me. While I clean this slate with the hands of uncertainty. So let mercy come and wash away what I've done. I'll face myself. To cross out what I've become. Erase myself and let go of what I've done. For what I’ve done, I start again and whatever pain may come, today this ends. I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!! I'll face myself. To cross out what I've become. Erase myself and let go of what I've done. What I’ve done. Forgiving what I’ve done". Linkin Park

It has been a very difficult past few days for me on an internal basis. I have made some choices lately that I have not been too proud of but felt trapped to do anything about. And then I remembered exactly who I was, what I have been through in my 34 years on this planet and exactly where my bloodlines come from.  I am not some weak soul, unprepared and with no concept of hard work or sacrifice. I know pain intimately, I am a fighter, a warrior in my own right and I have that stubborn Celtic backbone that will not let me be anything else. My cousin is always telling me that I am the leader of our Clan and it is about time that I remember that and act accordingly. It is funny, how one can draw on the strength of their heritage and their ancestors when they truly need it and I, for one, am ever so grateful for it. It has been what has made me stand tall when I feel the world is against me, what gives me my sense of pride, of belonging to something ancient and powerful. My connection with that history has taught me about the stock I am bred from and the will of iron that sits within me, to be called upon when I need that steel core to get me through the hard times. My family's heritage has seen such brutality in it's history but it has also seen great victories. Nothing, it seems, comes to us without a price and I suppose this is where my understanding of just what it is to be a part of this amazing blood takes hold. I have within me the same blood of those who were great. Kings, Chieftains, Clan leaders of such import to history. All of that resides in me, flows through my veins and strengthens me. I have the potential to be just as great, just as important to my future generations as they are to me. So then, why do I keep forgetting that? That is the question that has become the bane of my existence. Why do I keep forgetting who I am, where I come from, what I am made of and just how much I am capable of enduring? Because I am human and I make mistakes. When it feels as if the world is closing in on me, I get so overwhelmed that I am blinded by all the drama temporarily and I can't see the warrior sitting idle within my core, waiting to be called upon, to show her true strength. It is not until the dust has settled that I see her there, wondering why I didn't call her forth, confused at why I didn't use her in the manner she was created for. This, of course, unsettles me and I start to beat myself up for not using all the tools at my disposal, including my warriors spirit. Of course, there is nothing to be gained by this internal battle and so before long, I am apologizing to myself for not being the person I know that I am and making my vows to remember my strength, my will, my power and just exactly who I am. And so, as the song states, for what I've done..I start again and whatever pain may come, today this ends, I'm forgiving what I've done. It doesn't matter how many times I have to start again, how many times I have to forgive myself for the bad choices or decisions, for letting myself get side tracked, overwhelmed or any of the other numerous ways I tend to let myself be blinded.  The only thing that matters is that I do it.  I call upon that warrior within me, pick myself up and brush off my weapons and start once again to become the person I want to be. I hope all of you can use the warriors buried deep within you when the going gets tough...that is what they are there for, so use them and let them help you to be the best person you can be, no matter how many times you need to get back up.
Namaste

We Are Family...

Today's quote is the by-product of a conversation I had with someone very close to me. It yet again grabbed my attention because of the author's name, which resembles the name of my mother and my youngest daughter simultaneously.  I hope you all enjoy!

Today's Quote:

"In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit." Marge Kennedy

 It is hard, sometimes, for others to understand the intricate bonds between members of a family. The way they see things is seldom the way things really are and having to explain the in's and out's of the complexities can be just as frustrating to the person telling as the person being told. The reality is that others have not been there the entirety of the relationships. They do not know of all the battles won and lost, the smiles and tears, the conversations and actions which have created the memories held close to the heart. They do not know first hand of the sacrifices and trying times, the promises kept or promises broken, nor do they know of the quiet moments where words were not needed to convey the love one feels for another. They do not know what each person has had to go through to become they people they are. No family is a perfect family and all have their own challenges which make them unique. Some families are close, others very distant. Some families are made up of other families where there is no blood link what so ever. Every family is a creation unto it self and since we perceive things based on our own knowledge and experience, sometimes it is a very difficult task to try and explain why it is you do what you do for your family. I have heard it many times before; that I give too much, allow too much and take too little for myself. My sister lovingly calls me the martyr and at first, I used to get really annoyed with her for it. Now, I see it as an honorable person to be. I will give all I am to my family, no matter the detriment to myself because without them, my world is not worth anything to me. It is really no different, in my eyes, then taking a bullet for them, stepping in front of a moving vehicle for them or any of the other numerous acceptable concepts that people tend to throw around. My family, as dysfunctionally functional as it is, is mine and even though sometimes I wish they would learn faster, try harder, be more compassionate or empathetic, stop poking at each other or any of the myriad ways they tend to try my patience, I accept them for the people they all are, faults and all. Some would no doubt shake their heads at some of the things I keep quiet about or do for my family.  I sometimes let them push me to my limits, help them when they are perfectly capable of helping themselves, or bend over backwards to get them what they desire but I do these things because it gives me pleasure to do so.  Even if at the time it is somewhat of a stress factor, the end always justifies the means. The look on their faces or the thankfulness that might not be recognizable to some but that I know without a doubt is there, makes it all worthwhile to me and means everything to me. I know what the strengths and weaknesses are of every member of my family. I know how they learn, where they have grown and where they still need to grow. I know what each is capable of and where each has struggled. I can tell just by their mannerisms  what they are feeling, how their days are going and behind the mask each of them tries to wear at various points in their lives to hide what is really going on in their worlds. I know them better than anyone in the world, see the things nobody else is privileged to see and am the one they all trust enough to ask advice from. I have been there through it all up to this date and will continue to be here for them until the day I take my last breath. Why do I do what I do or allow what I allow within my family? Because I love them more than life itself.

Patience, My Arch Enemy

Happy New year one and all! A new cycle has been started as of yesterday and so lies ahead a blank canvas, waiting for the colors and forms we decide to brush onto it by the choices we make and the joys and sorrows we allow to define us.  The New year, for myself, has already seen it's first test and as I struggle to pass it, I thought I would share a quote that is helping me fight this particular battle.

Today's Quote:  "Adopt the pace of nature:  her secret is patience. " ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I often struggle with this concept of patience. There are times when it comes naturally to me, where I know that my patience is as necessary as breathing and then there are times when patience feels like my nemesis, taunting me constantly. I have had the latter feeling settle over me three times over the last 2 days. First, while I waited to hear how my grandson was after his mom and dad had taken him to the emergency room New Years Eve. I was a little bit of a wreak and I can admit that it took every ounce of my will power not to jump into my car and drive to the hospital. I hate not knowing what is happening, I hate feeling helpless to do anything but sit and wait. The minutes seem to become hours in those moments and when I finally did get the phone call that he was fine, it was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I was free once again to enjoy my evening.  Then there was the news of my brother being in an accident although I have heard on my brother, and that has settled my mind to some degree. I must confess though that my brain is at war with my heart in that matter.  I am glad he is ok and  I pray to the Gods that the other driver is as well, pray that lessons have been learned and that the cost will not be too incredibly high but at the same time, he is a grown man who made his choices and he should have to face the consequences for his actions. He made a huge mistake and I hope he has learned from it. It does not make him a bad person and he should get a chance to pay his penance and move forward with more knowledge and understanding of himself and those around him.  Then there was learning that my Aunt had also been taken to the hospital via ambulance because she was having difficulty breathing.  I still am waiting to hear about her and trying to convince my brain that no news is good news and that all will be well but having to be patient and wait to have that confirmed is like torture to my "need to know" way of thinking. A lot on my mind requiring me to be patient but in moments like this it is such a trail for me.  I am doing my best and that has to be enough. It's so weird though, how I can be so patient with a sick person or a baby that just wants to be held as he screams his tiny little lungs out in discomfort yet in the moments when it is even more conducive to be patient, I struggle with all I am worth to find that settling calm. My impatience will not get me any further along, will not help me in any sort of way to deal or process the situation. It won't get me the answers I seek any quicker and won't help to settle my mind any better. In face, it will just grate on my sensitive nerves and keep me locked in a battle that I just have no control over to win. And so, I will take a page from nature, from my little plant that is blooming, the weather that is slowly but surely changing it's ways, the cycles that are happening all around me in their own time and space and I will use their knowledge and energy to help steer my own. I will be patient, because sometimes, that is all you can be. 

Namaste