Patience, My Arch Enemy

Happy New year one and all! A new cycle has been started as of yesterday and so lies ahead a blank canvas, waiting for the colors and forms we decide to brush onto it by the choices we make and the joys and sorrows we allow to define us.  The New year, for myself, has already seen it's first test and as I struggle to pass it, I thought I would share a quote that is helping me fight this particular battle.

Today's Quote:  "Adopt the pace of nature:  her secret is patience. " ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I often struggle with this concept of patience. There are times when it comes naturally to me, where I know that my patience is as necessary as breathing and then there are times when patience feels like my nemesis, taunting me constantly. I have had the latter feeling settle over me three times over the last 2 days. First, while I waited to hear how my grandson was after his mom and dad had taken him to the emergency room New Years Eve. I was a little bit of a wreak and I can admit that it took every ounce of my will power not to jump into my car and drive to the hospital. I hate not knowing what is happening, I hate feeling helpless to do anything but sit and wait. The minutes seem to become hours in those moments and when I finally did get the phone call that he was fine, it was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I was free once again to enjoy my evening.  Then there was the news of my brother being in an accident although I have heard on my brother, and that has settled my mind to some degree. I must confess though that my brain is at war with my heart in that matter.  I am glad he is ok and  I pray to the Gods that the other driver is as well, pray that lessons have been learned and that the cost will not be too incredibly high but at the same time, he is a grown man who made his choices and he should have to face the consequences for his actions. He made a huge mistake and I hope he has learned from it. It does not make him a bad person and he should get a chance to pay his penance and move forward with more knowledge and understanding of himself and those around him.  Then there was learning that my Aunt had also been taken to the hospital via ambulance because she was having difficulty breathing.  I still am waiting to hear about her and trying to convince my brain that no news is good news and that all will be well but having to be patient and wait to have that confirmed is like torture to my "need to know" way of thinking. A lot on my mind requiring me to be patient but in moments like this it is such a trail for me.  I am doing my best and that has to be enough. It's so weird though, how I can be so patient with a sick person or a baby that just wants to be held as he screams his tiny little lungs out in discomfort yet in the moments when it is even more conducive to be patient, I struggle with all I am worth to find that settling calm. My impatience will not get me any further along, will not help me in any sort of way to deal or process the situation. It won't get me the answers I seek any quicker and won't help to settle my mind any better. In face, it will just grate on my sensitive nerves and keep me locked in a battle that I just have no control over to win. And so, I will take a page from nature, from my little plant that is blooming, the weather that is slowly but surely changing it's ways, the cycles that are happening all around me in their own time and space and I will use their knowledge and energy to help steer my own. I will be patient, because sometimes, that is all you can be. 

Namaste