I had a horrible dream as I lay down to take a nap this morning. I don't think I need to go into exactly what the dream was about but just let me say that it has left me feeling very unsettled. I just want to cry, even now, hours after I have cleared the cobwebs from my eyes because the content was just so disturbing to me. The emotions of the dream are still very much haunting me. I am trying to let it go, let it wash itself away from my mind because I am a firm believer that what we think of most will become our realities, and I certainly do not want that dream to become mine. That reality would leave me broken inside and I do not even want to contemplate how life would be. It does have me thinking though about whether or not my loved ones know how much I love them. Do they know, at all times, that my love for them can sometimes be painful to me? That the thought of not having one of them in my life for whatever reason means that there would always be this chasm in my heart that could never be repaired? I have had to grieve the loss of my loved ones who have passed and I hope that I am honoring their memory with the choices I make. I think of them and sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh or smile. But when I look to the people who are still here with me everyday and I think about my time with them being taken from me...the anguish I feel inside is enough to break me into a million pieces. Now, as I sit here typing with the ghost of that horrible dream surrounding me like a fog, I wonder if I do enough, say enough, show enough, appreciate enough and love enough. I ponder whether or not they think I have made a positive impact on their lives and if I have somehow fed their souls and helped to nurture them, even in some small way. I also begin to think of ways that I can improve those connections and relationships so that I know I have given of myself and done the very best I could to make sure those I love never have to wonder whether or not I loved them. I suppose this is my silver lining as I try and make some sort of sense out of my dream.
Namaste....I love you
You're not alone in these feelings, my sister. I and many other women have experienced these feelings... and/or are currently going through this. I think we get so terrified because, on some level, it dawns on us that we've gotten a glimpse of both our own mortality, and what lies beyond us. It's a wake-up call designed to make us take inventory of our own lives, sort through everything, and decide what is and isn't worth keeping.
ReplyDeleteAs to your dream, remember, sweet sister, that all elements of dreams - including people - are aspects of your own self. And, that nightmares are the subconscious mind's way of getting your attention. Of course, you already know that; you don't need me stating the obvious.
I love you, my sister. No matter what. And I am here for you, no matter what. Don't forget that.
You have been and always will be the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I know your love, I feel your love and I never ever doubt it.
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