The Right Place at the Right Time

I cannot remember the last time I ever ran as fast as I did last night. I was in the kitchen, preparing the marinade for tonight's chicken dinner when me and my husband heard the screeching of tires followed quickly by the sound of crunching metal and shattering glass. We go outside onto the walkway to try and pin point where the sound came from. Off in the distance, a woman screams and we start to run. As I am running, I pass a few people who have stopped along the way, asking me if I know the people in the accident. I am too out of breath to answer, still running at full speed but thinking to myself "does that really matter?". I keep running, my bare feet pounding on the unforgiving concrete as I follow the long curve that is my street all the way around until I reach the end of the block. My husband is running in front of me and as my eyes quickly assess what I am seeing I start yelling at everyone "DON'T MOVE ANYONE!". I scan the cars quickly with my eyes and they seem to be empty, completely surrounded in a sea of broken glass, plastic and metal  but I notice there is an Indian woman lying on the grass, screaming, while a couple people try and talk to her.  I make my way to her, all but shoving the people there aside for it is clear to me that none of them have any sort of medical training. My hands come around her neck in a collar, bracing it from movement and I start to ask her questions, hoping she can understand the language I am speaking to her. I ask "where are you hurt", "can you feel your arms and legs", "can you breath ok". I want to check for injuries but the woman is rightly hysterical and every time I slip one of my hands away from her neck and head, she tries to sit up or move her head, so I keep my hands where they are, letting her body and movements, her terrified cries and the things she won't move, tell me where she is injured. Her neck, I palpate with gentle fingertips and I can feel a small break along the transverse process of one of her vertebrae just down from her shoulders. Her right side, back and kidney, she keeps trying to touch and soothe so I know there is damage and pain there. I don't know where this woman came from at this point and my fear is that she was walking and got hit as the other cars collided or that she was thrown from one of the vehicles that lay like  broken accordions in the intersection. I am talking to her as I make my mental notes, trying to calm her and let her know that she is safe and that help is on it's way. I am solely focused on her, her injuries and the scene before me. The woman continues to cry "oh mama" and begs someone to call her husband and mother. She starts talking about small children and a baby and I ask if there are kids in the car. Someone checks and I am relieved that there is no one there. From what I gathered, this woman had just had a baby not too long ago, judging by her still slightly pregnant-looking abdomen and milk engorged breasts, and that her mother had the kids and she was on her way there to get them. I assured her they would all be contacted, that she needed to concentrate on taking slow breaths. Help finally arrives and as the firemen on the scene come over and assess her, they ask me to stay where I am, immobilizing the neck and head so that more damage can be avoided. They ask if I am medically trained, most likely because of the expert way I am holding the woman and I tell them that I am a Massage Therapist. This seems to please the fireman, knowing that someone on the scene had some medical background. I continue to hold her as they place the collar on her neck, my thumbs brushing across her cheeks in a slow rhythmic circle, still trying to relax the woman who is in obvious pain and shock. The paramedics finally arrive and after what feels like an hour of kneeling on my knees on the glass covered grass and cement, I finally let go of my charge and allow them to step in. I step back, still surveying the scene to hear that someone had taken the woman out of the car. I was so angry! She never should have been moved like that. That is car accident triage rule #1. Never move someone without making sure that their neck and back is supported. Internal injuries and especially spinal and neck injuries are very dangerous things and upon hearing that she was moved, I start to worry for her more, worry that maybe something might not have been so bad if only I had gotten there to make sure she wasn't moved sooner. However, this is not the way it happened and I reacted to the scene in front of me. Once the woman was in the back of the ambulance I made my way home, my own fears over the car accident and the memories of my own car accident beginning to swamp me now that I was no longer needed and was free to just...process. I have always been amazed with how quickly and efficiently my mind can switch in a time of crisis and I take a lot of pride in knowing that I am not someone who will freeze under that sort of pressure. I assess and apply, my skills and intuition taking over where others stand gawking at the scene, afraid or unsure of what to do to help. Maybe I should have been a doctor or a paramedic or something. Maybe my next life I will do just that. For now, as I look down at my bruised knees and swollen ankles and feet and although I am still shaken up over seeing the cars, the woman and the trauma of it all, I can also honestly say that I am thankful. I am thankful I heard the accident, thankful that I could run so hard and fast in my bare feet amongst the broken glass and debris, thankful that I had the skills necessary to aid the woman/firemen/paramedics while they did their assessments and thankful that I was able to soothe her in some small way when she was so terrified. I am also very thankful that her injuries were not worse and that there was no fatality and that my own memories and fears didn't get in the way of me helping her, as my fears sometimes have a bad habit of doing. Last night was a crazy, adrenaline induced nightmare for the woman, the other driver and even myself, but today....today is a day to be thankful. Rayanika..I wish you a fast and speedy recovery and I pray that this experience will not stop you from driving and experiencing your independence the way it has done to me for so long. It is something I am trying very hard to get back.
Namaste...be blessed.

Practicing What I Preach

I am constantly spurting at the mouth; encouraging others to help themselves, to be less judgmental and more understanding and to take positive action instead of sitting on the sidelines when we see an opportunity to help someone out. This past weekend I had the chance to practice what I am always preaching and to put the countless advices that I am giving into action of my own, and let me tell you...it feels damn good. I was asked if I could spare a warm bed for a night for a man who was trying very hard to right some of the wrongs he had made in his life. I will freely admit that I was hesitant to have a complete stranger with such complications come into my home with my family but I did not let those fears outweigh the importance of doing the right thing, which in this case was providing a safe place to sleep for the night. I will never, I don't think, forget the look on his face and the waves of energy that were radiating off of him as he stood and watched my daughter and son in law make up the futon for him. His face revealed his humiliation that a man his age would need to ask this of a friend's parents, but at the same time you could see the utter gratitude he had. His emotions swamped me with such sadness, fear and struggle, yet again that quiet gratitude poured out of him. He was counting his blessings and although it was shaming him to have to count such a thing, he did not discount it. It was important to him to recognize and be thankful. Yesterday I fed him and provided the opportunity for him to take a hot shower. Once again, that gratitude overflowed and was almost tangible. It humbled me to be in the presence of someone who most would have turned away because of his troubled past and current challenges, but that was teaching me, just by his quiet appreciation, how to truly be grateful for the blessings I do have. We enjoyed a lot of conversation, my husband and him talking at great lengths about their interests and what they hoped for in the future. Our guest has been a sort of angel to us I suppose, coming into our lives to remind us of our blessings and the importance of giving to others without an expectation of getting anything in return.  I must confess though that I do feel as if I have been gifted. I have  extended my offer to let him stay until he could move into his apartment on the 15th of this month not because I felt obligated to do so but because I WANTED to do so. I was being presented with the opportunity to help change someone's life, even if it was in the most subtle of ways, and I knew that my decision to do so was truly appreciated by him, which made it that much more meaningful on both sides. Maybe this is a small thing for me, to let someone sleep on my futon, eat at my table and take a hot shower but for him....for him it is massive and something he counts as a blessing. So once again, I ask you all to look for the little ways you can help each other out. They may not always seem like life changing moments for you, but perhaps they are little miracles to the person on the receiving end.

Namaste...be blessed.

Sharing Little Treasures

I am a very private, concealed person for the most part and for that reason alone, there are not many people who truly know what some of my favorite things are in life. I tend to keep these little things as treasures and hide them away. I have my theories for why I do this. Mostly, I think, it is because I am afraid. I am afraid to let others know what I enjoy because I am afraid that once it is known, it will all disappear. So I enjoy them internally, rarely letting others see the extent of the joy they bring me. In keeping with my goal of dedicating the next 90 days to making myself healthier in all aspects of my being, I am now going to make myself a little vulnerable and share with any who will read this my secret little joys. Some of you will know some of these things because some of you I have trusted enough to share these things with. However, out of all I have told these things too, there will be but a small few who know the extent of the happiness they bring into my life and how much of a balm they are to my soul. So here they are, in no particular order, just as they come to mind.

The smiles from my children when I have done something for them that only I can do

The pride on my children's and grand children's faces when they accomplish or discover something for the very first time


The smell of fresh cut grass in the summertime

Laughter, in all it's forms, as long as it is from the heart. I love to be around people who laugh freely and with wild abandon, probably because I never give myself permission to do so.  My favorites are a baby's laugh and the "belly" laugh. So few can pull the latter off  genuinely that when I do get to hear it, I can't help but join in!

The color purple

The smell of cumin, which for some odd reason makes me think back to my childhood and the days of rollerskating. (Cumin smells just like Lloyds!)

Creating things. Whether it is writing, sewing, cooking, painting or any other medium, I love to create

Reading. For those who know me this may seem like a no brainer, because I am always reading. But how many of you know the joy I take in reading my favorite childhood stories to small children?

My family. Above all, this is my absolute favorite thing in the world, even when they are trying my patience!

A good cup of double bergamont earl grey tea

Hosting parties/celebrations/family dinners. Again, most know this about me already, but I am not sure they all know exactly how excited and purposeful it makes me feel.

Spinning Wheels by Blood Sweat and Tears and Puff The Magic Dragon. My mom used to lay in the bed beside me and rock herself to sleep while singing these to me when I was a small child taking a nap with her.

Music. From classical masterpieces to heavy metal, I love listening to and playing music. Moonlight Sonata by Beethoven, Life is Life by Opus and Prayer by Disturbed are a few favorites off the top of my head but I literally have thousands of songs I have fallen in love with over the years.

Singing. I love to sing at the top of my lungs when I am all alone (which rarely happens..lol.) or sing softly to a child that is sleeping on my chest. Personally, I don't really care if other people like the sound of  my voice or not. I enjoy singing and that is all that really matters to me

Owls, dragons, dragonflies and butterflies. I love these winged beauties and could watch them for hours!

Taking care of people when they are injured or ill. I am a healer by trade and by experience and I love to be able to nurse those who are sick or injured back to good health.

The poem "My Shadow" by Robert Louise Stevenson. My grandmother used to recite this to me when I was a small child. I can still hear her voice saying each line to this day.

My friends. Each one is unique and whether I see them daily, weekly or once every few years, my friends always hold a special place in my heart. I don't have many "true" friends, but the ones I do have I hold in high esteem.

Winter. Hands down my favorite season. I love the crispness that the cold temperatures bring to the air, the way the snow blankets everything it touches and watching the children play in it.

Drama movies. I have to have a story, something to catch my interest. As a writer, I am a storyteller and so I need some depth in the movies I choose to watch. Schindler's List, Things We Lost In The Fire, The Color Purple, Lovesong For Bobby Long, The Elephant Man; these are some of my favorite films.

A clean house/environment. I cannot relax or concentrate when things are in disarray around me.

A good dirty joke

People watching. I especially love watching the elderly. Whether they are in groups, in couples or alone, I love to see how they relate to the world around them. They have been around, seen so many things and have a lifetime worth of stories, experience and knowledge to share. The elderly and babies are probably my favorite social class of people.

As I said before, I am sure there are those of you who already knew of some of these and those of you who knew of a little more but I am not sure if you knew of the intensity to which my enthusiasm soared when experiencing these things. These are my personal little treasures, the things I can always find happiness in, no matter how troubled my day seems to be going. These are the vitamins of my soul. I ask that you all take a moment and think on the things that you like best in this world, especially on the days when you are feeling your worst. Enjoy your little treasures and share them with the world for in doing so, we make ourselves and this world a much better place to live.

Namaste....

Sharing For The Greater Good

I was browsing through the updates on various statuses and comments people had posted on a social networking site I am a member of this morning when I started to really think about the context of them all and how such things relate to the people and their views on life. For instance, I have a cousin in Ontario who is always posting things that make me laugh. They are often very sarcastic or ironic but always done through the medium of humor. I actually look forward to logging into the site to see what she has posted because I can always count on her status's to put a smile on my face, no matter how difficult or frustrating my day has been. Now, she is not the only one of my friends or family members that do this, for I have many which do, but I am using her as an example. Then there are the ones who are always posting things that are inspirational in nature. I am one such person as is my husband. Everyday when I log onto the site I go on the hunt for some moving quote that I can share with any who might need the inspirational messages to help them through their own difficult or frustrating days. I give great thought to the ones I choose and if even one person can change their day around and be moved by a message I have shared that day then I am truly blessed to have been instrumental in that process. These motivational or inspirational messages are something I personally feel should be shared. Anything that can make a person laugh, think in a new positive way or help them to feel spectacular or even just good about themselves or their abilities should be passed on and shared with the world around them. Then there are those who are lost within their own misery and although you love them to pieces, the things they decide to share with the world via the net are less than optimistic, less than positive or blissful and instead make the person reading them feel heavy. These are the people I want to just reach through the screen and shake because instead of focusing on the good things that they are blessed with or have accomplished, they are stuck in a position of only seeing/feeling/being negative. I am truly sorry for every ache and pain; physical, mental or otherwise, that each of my friends or family members are going through. If I had the power to change it for them, I would in a heartbeat. But I also do not see the benefit of announcing your trials and disappointments to the world like they are some sort of badge of honor unless you are asking for some sort of help,advice or support from those people. Asking for a hand in dealing with a negative situation is very commendable and takes great courage. Those are not the types of things I am speaking of here. I am talking about the people who never have anything positive to say about themselves or their lives and don't do anything to change it.  Everyone has challenges and issues. Some have more than others. No one on the planet is exempt. Showing everyone how negative you feel about your life, choices or circumstances is not going to help you to move forward and out of them. It just isn't. In fact, it will do just the opposite because no matter how much a person loves another person, they don't want to constantly be surrounded by another person's negativity because it just brings them down. Personally, I do not want to be the one who has caused my friends and family members to feel negative in any sort of fashion. I want to be the person that makes them feel good about themselves or gives them a reason to smile or laugh. This is the kind of thing we should all be looking to do when we are on these social sites. We should be trying to share our lives, not our little deaths. We should be hoping to share a laugh, a joke or some hilarious moment and not be hoping that someone will feel pity on us because our choices have left us in a less than perfect situation. We are living the lives we have chosen to live and if we are not happy with that, then we should work on changing it and not expect others to do it for us or coddle us for our errs in judgement. How hard would it really be to. instead of posting something along the lines of " life sucks because of ........", we would post " Life is awesome because of.....". I am sure every person can find one small thing that is good about their lives to concentrate on and just the act of focusing on that instead of the negative, has the power to change the way we view everything in our lives. I know that I would much rather read the latter than the former and I know that I am also trying very hard to be the person who posts the latter when I am feeling the former because it helps me to see things in a more positive light. If you are troubled, feeling down, isolated and need a pick me up, need to know that others care about you, then I am there to do my best to give you that. However, in the end, it is up to us. We may need a helping hand to stand, but we can begin to rise all on our own by how we approach each other and each day. I hope these words too have helped someone to see their own potential. Sometimes it is hard to hear such truths but I hope all who read this know that this comes from a place of love. I just want everyone I love to be happy, to feel fulfilled and like there is nothing in this world that can stop them from achieving whatever their hearts desire. The only thing that has that power is our own unwillingness to change the unhealthy habits into healthy successes. Only YOU can stop yourself. Only YOU can determine your life.
Namaste...be blessed everyone.

Unseen Transformations

So today I begin week three of a ninety day workout and diet regimen that my husband and I have decided to undertake together. He has been working out for the past year and a half, using the P90X program and I have been trying to do my best to accommodate his diet needs in accordance with that program. There are a lot of differences in the menu's provided for each of the work out programs but the biggest difference, at least according to him, is the amount of calories he intakes on a daily basis. While he sometimes feels he is hungry due to the reduced intake of food, I, on the other hand, feel like I am always full to bursting. Going from one meal a day with an occasional snack to three very specific meals and a snack has been very trying for me and sometimes I feel nauseated over the very idea that soon I will have to eat. I am sure as my body begins to run more efficiently that this side effect will disappear, but as of right now, lunch awaits me in less than an hour and I am not so eager to indulge in it. I have always had this issue. I only eat when I am hungry. Logically I know that I should never feel hungry and that the very signal of hunger in my brain will cause my body to begin to store it's fat. However I just never saw the point of eating when my body was not telling me that I needed to.  This situation is more challenging to me than the actual work outs have been but I am confident that it is a temporary hurdle and that once I jump it, my body will just run more efficiently for me. My husband commented that he could tell the work out and diet program was helping him with his plateau as of late, and that he could notice a difference in the way his clothes were fitting him. I had admitted to him that I had not noticed such results in myself. My clothes do not feel any different to me. Perhaps as we get into the more intense work outs and my body begins to burn through the increased amount of fuel I am giving it this will change. I don't know. I wonder sometimes if I am just not pushing myself hard enough. I am sweating, winded and exhausted by the end of the work outs and I make sure I am doing every single exercise, but perhaps I could be doing them with more intensity now that I have the ever important form down. My husband says that he notices a difference in the way I carry myself and him and my daughter said that they both can see the changes in my body but until I can see it and feel it, does it really count? There are things I do notice, though, even if they are not reflective in the way my clothes fit or I see myself in the mirror. I notice that I sleep deeper, which is important for my fibromyalgia. Now this is not to say that I don't wake up numerous times during the night due to pain and just being uncomfortable, but I have an easier time getting back to sleep, which is huge for me. I have noticed that I am staying up later too and not quite so mentally exhausted after my day. This is a double edge sword at times, like last night when it was already 1:30am and I was still lying awake in bed and needing to get up at 7am. I hope that this evens out once my body has found its rhythm in this new lifestyle change. I also noticed that the first week I was incredibly sore after my work outs, especially the next day. It was to the point where I had to call upon all my will power to convince myself to go down and do them every evening. However last week, that soreness had lessened and I no longer contemplated my body's ability to make it through the exercises. I knew I was capable of doing them. Although I have a feeling that this week will be more like the first week all over again as the work outs change and become more intense with the second part of phase one, I also know that  if I can just get through the week, the following week will be easier for me, especially if these past two weeks are any indication. Maybe after these next two weeks and the completion of phase one I will see some actual physical differences. On the other hand, ,maybe I won't. Perhaps it is the changes that are happening within me that are taking the focus off what I see in the mirror and instead narrowing my vision to the changes that are truly transformative. Only time will tell at this point. For now, I am content that I am changing and will only continue to do so.
Namaste....be blessed.