Life is SO complex....or is it?

It has been a long while since I have written. There has been a lot going on around me lately and I just haven't felt that all consuming urge to write. I suppose the craziness that is the zoo of my household has just left me without the energy nor time to just sit and reflect on what it is I am doing, feeling, thinking or processing as of late. I am sitting here, it is early morning  and I have not yet finished my morning cup of tea but I am determined that something become of this blog posting today. What that something is, however, still eludes me. There is a lot percolating inside my head at the moment and some of it is just the mundane, such as what I should prepare for dinner, or the laundry waiting for my attention downstairs. Some of it is creative in nature; like trying to decide what I want to do to the gown I am in the process of making. Some of them are the result of the experiences I have been having and others have to do with the daily requirements and stresses of running a household.  All these random thoughts and I am not really sure which ones my mind will decide to latch on to for the day, So far they are all like little floating balloons with strings tied to their ends, each one waiting for me to pull that string and bring them closer for further inspection. As I sit here lost in these thoughts I can hear the birds singing their spring songs, I can feel the much warmer air outside and  I can see the tree in my front yard starting to bud. The ladybugs are out in full force, marching their way across my flowerbed and I wonder just what their plans are today. I am sure they are not nearly as complex as mine. Most likely they are thinking of getting from point A to point B in one piece and hoping to find some adequate food and shelter. Perhaps though, having to deal with constant survival is actually MORE taxing than having to wonder what to cook, or how to make a gown. We assume, because they don't have to maintain our human lifestyle, that things must be pretty easy for them and others like them. Perhaps though, without the civilities, life is actually more dramatic, more stressful and daunting. Maybe, just maybe, their lives are much harder than ours. Perhaps they all live in fear, terror that they might die at any given moment all because their surroundings are not the beauty we get to enjoy but are actually quite hostile towards them. They are constantly the easy targets of predators, they are continuously in danger of being stepped on and crushed, moved, played with and inspected by the fascination of the small children discovering their existence for the first time. They have to travel what would equate to thousands of miles to us humans just to get something to eat or find some place safe to rest. A life like this would make us so-called civilized human beings become insanely aggressive animals. So maybe all these animals that we assume have it easy because they don't have the thought patterns we are capable of, really are the ones who have it the most difficult. We just don't know, and we never will because they are not able to communicate these things to us in a manner we understand. There are so many people out there who are always complaining about the hand they have been dealt and how hard their lives are. I have been known to do it myself once or twice. This thought process really makes me feel bad for every time I have ever done so. I have WAY more opportunities available to me than that ladybug will ever have. My life is not the constant battle for survival that some of these "lesser" animals and bugs have to deal with. Food and shelter options are abundant and safe to me and I don't ever have to worry about being stepped on and crushed! So why should I get to complain? Perspective is everything and when things are looked at from a view point such as this, it really seems to change how we view our own environments, choices and opportunities and the things we consider to be too difficult to overcome.  The world can be a hostile, unforgiving place, there is no doubt about it. But instead of fearing it, or laying grievances about it, try being grateful that you are in the evolutionary position that you are in. You could have been born a ladybug.

Light - Bulb

Today is hubby's birthday. Happy Birthday Iheage! I wanted to do something special for him, have a party to celebrate but he asked me not to because he wants to do something for me this year. I can accept that, I suppose. I am not especially happy about it, but it is, after all, HIS birthday and so I guess I should respect his wishes in this as I expect people to respect mine. I will let it slide this year but I truly hope he does not expect this to become the rule instead of the exception to it. I love to plan and host parties. I love to share my home and the food I have struggled to perfect with friends and family. I love to socialize when I am on my turf and just have everyone around me enjoying themselves. Maybe I should become a party planner/caterer. I have thought about it many times before. I am just not sure that I would enjoy it as much for strangers. Maybe the party planning aspect would be ok but cooking for strangers, especially with food allergies to consider, could prove to be a disaster. It is the reason I never went to culinary school after all. There are lots of things I am good at, lots of things I have considered making a career out of but there are many reasons I have not. I am really creative, but don't have the time I would need to be able to really get into something profitable. Everything I do, I do in my spare time, and there is not a lot of that. Another issue lies in boredom. Not many things can hold my attention for very long. I go through creative stages it seems. Sometimes I want to write, sometimes I want to sit at my piano, sometimes I want to sew or do a craft project, sometimes I want to cook or plan a party and sometimes I just want to exist. I also don't think most of the things I do are good enough to be paid to do them. Sure, I enjoy them, the people I do it for enjoy it...but would complete strangers want to actually PAY for them? I just don't know. I have a hard time putting a fair price on what my time is worth. I suppose I will ponder these things as I am always doing, trying to figure it all out. I keep waiting for that ever elusive light bulb to go off in my head and praying that when it does, I will be able to notice it and do something with it. I know I am a talented person. I know that I have much to offer of myself and my talents and hobbies. It's just finding the right thing at the right time to be financially successful at it. Not knowing what that is has become the bane of my existence at the moment it seems. For right now though, I am content to devote myself to my family while I continue to explore my options and find new ideas to play with. It will come to me.
Namaste...