Just To Breathe

It has been a little while since I have had the chance to sit and write. Life has been busy and there is a virus spreading its way through the population that has seemed to become attracted to me at this point in time. It has left me very tired as I try to keep up with all the requirements of my life. The multitude of relationships I am involved in, responsibilities of being a parent and a caregiver, the duties of being the one to keep the machine of house and family running as smoothly as possible, all while trying to battle the aches, pains, mental and emotional stresses of a couple chronic medical conditions can overwhelm and wear one out if there is no opportunity to break, to step back, to breathe or rest. Such as been the case for me as of late. Perhaps it is the added challenges of late that are not usually present such as this virus, upcoming events, unforeseen expenses but it has left me feeling as though I am running a marathon and although I am out of breathe, my lungs ablaze and my body screaming it's protests, I can't quite seem to catch up to a place where I can maintain an even pace. It is frustrating to say the least as many plans have had to be cancelled, commitments postponed,  daily requirements done at half the capacity (if they are done at all), and the feelings over having to do all this start to swallow me. I have a habit of taking too much on at once and I can see where I have done it yet again, but what do I allow to dissolve in order to have that space to breathe? There are things that are not negotiable to remove such as my primary functions as mother, wife and grandmother and all the little things those roles involve. I can't quit my jobs either as it would send the family income into quite the tailspin. I don't want to have to dissolve relationships that hold meaning to me either. So where is the balance and what is worth the sacrifices to allow me to breathe? I am told I am never selfish enough when it comes to myself and perhaps that is true and so maybe now is the time to be a little more selfish about what I need. I don't know how much longer I can continue to wear myself into the ground this way without serious repercussions. I have to find the balance again. Have to find myself an air pocket within all the necessities of life. It is there, someplace...I just have to find it.

Dog Eats Dog

Good morning everyone! I was searching for a quote that had to do with people taking advantage of others, something that I feel is currently happening to me, when I came across one that stopped that search in it's tracks. I thought to myself, this is exactly the type of situation this quote applies to and so I offer it up for today instead of where my mind had originally wanted to go.

Today's Quote: "A Native American Elder once described his own inner struggles in this manner: Inside of me there are two dogs. One of the dogs is mean and evil. The other dog is good. The mean dog fights the good dog all the time. When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "the one I feed the most." - George Bernard Shaw

As I said before, I was completely set on the topic for today because of the way I am being treated by certain people in my circle.  I wanted to get those feelings processed and out in the open so that they did not begin to eat away at my peace of mind today. However, when I read the quote above, I had one of those moments where I felt like I was standing at a crossroads and before me lay my two options. I could either stay on my current path, allowing the actions of another person to taint my day and in essence feed the mean and evil dog, or I could choose to feed the good dog, the one that tells me that it can only taint my day if I allow it to. I obviously chose the latter of the two. I think this quote was so profound to me because of the simplicity of the visualization. I can see it now:...two dogs, one foaming and aggressive, wild in its very nature and out of control while the other is standing tall and silent, a calming aura of self control shown in its eyes, in the very stance it takes. Feeding the former would make that dog all the stronger in its chaos and unpredictability. It would enable the dog to become more of a destructive force. However, if you were to starve that dog and instead put everything into feeding the "good" dog and making it stronger, because of its very nature nature that strength could then be harnessed and controlled,  focused on a more productive target. I don't know about you but I would rather be able to hold the reigns and control my inner dog then have a dangerous one pulling me along as it runs rampant, terrorizing anything and everything that crosses its path. I hope that this quote does for you what it has done for me in allowing you that moment of clarity when faced with a choice. It is a dog eat dog world out there, so make sure your companion is the one being fed the good stuff!

Namaste