Count Your Blessings, Name Them One By One

My cousin lost everything in a house fire yesterday, including his beloved dog. Thank the Gods neither himself nor his two sons were at home when it all happened. I have let him know that I am here for him should he have need of me, but aside from that I am not really sure what more can be done unless he asks it of me. The offer has been made and aside from sending out positive thoughts and prayers for him and his family in their time of need, there is really nothing else I can do at the moment. I hope he calls me and allows me to give him what solace and help that I can. I am his kin and I empathize with what he is going through. It hurts my heart to know that someone I love is going through such tragedy as I sit here and write. It makes me realize how truly blessed I am that my children and grandchildren are safe, healthy and happy, that my husband sits by my side everyday, that my extended family is there should I need them, that my home is stable and inviting, that I have friends that surround me, that there is food in our bellies and clothing on our backs. What more could a person really ask for in this life?  Love, family, friends, health, stability, food, clothing and home...in my opinion those are the necessities of life and I have them all and then some. I think people, as a whole, have a bad habit of taking their blessings for granted on a daily basis.  I know that I am guilty of doing it myself, something I am always trying to work on. It should not take an act of devastation, grief, trauma, tragedy or loss to make us realize what is and is not important or where we need to change as human beings, but that is quite often the way it goes. We tend to get so caught up our own lives and dramas that we seldom take the time to self reflect on what is really important to us until it is forced into our consciousness by these acts of awakening. I can admit that such has been the case for myself numerous times over my life. In fact, I can admit that it has happened here today as I sit and think on what my cousin must be going through and become more grateful for what I have been granted in my life. It shouldn't be this way but the fact remains that it is - but now I have a choice to make. I can let the unfortunate circumstances bleed their lesson into me and change myself permanently in a positive way or I can let the lesson wear off with time as I allow all the non-perfect moments to interfere with my gratitude and blind me to what really matters most. The choice to count each blessing and be grateful for them everyday, instead of just in moments of hardship, is mine, just as it is for every other person on the planet. I know the choice I will make. Do you?
Namaste

Just To Breathe

It has been a little while since I have had the chance to sit and write. Life has been busy and there is a virus spreading its way through the population that has seemed to become attracted to me at this point in time. It has left me very tired as I try to keep up with all the requirements of my life. The multitude of relationships I am involved in, responsibilities of being a parent and a caregiver, the duties of being the one to keep the machine of house and family running as smoothly as possible, all while trying to battle the aches, pains, mental and emotional stresses of a couple chronic medical conditions can overwhelm and wear one out if there is no opportunity to break, to step back, to breathe or rest. Such as been the case for me as of late. Perhaps it is the added challenges of late that are not usually present such as this virus, upcoming events, unforeseen expenses but it has left me feeling as though I am running a marathon and although I am out of breathe, my lungs ablaze and my body screaming it's protests, I can't quite seem to catch up to a place where I can maintain an even pace. It is frustrating to say the least as many plans have had to be cancelled, commitments postponed,  daily requirements done at half the capacity (if they are done at all), and the feelings over having to do all this start to swallow me. I have a habit of taking too much on at once and I can see where I have done it yet again, but what do I allow to dissolve in order to have that space to breathe? There are things that are not negotiable to remove such as my primary functions as mother, wife and grandmother and all the little things those roles involve. I can't quit my jobs either as it would send the family income into quite the tailspin. I don't want to have to dissolve relationships that hold meaning to me either. So where is the balance and what is worth the sacrifices to allow me to breathe? I am told I am never selfish enough when it comes to myself and perhaps that is true and so maybe now is the time to be a little more selfish about what I need. I don't know how much longer I can continue to wear myself into the ground this way without serious repercussions. I have to find the balance again. Have to find myself an air pocket within all the necessities of life. It is there, someplace...I just have to find it.

To Celebrate a Ghost

It is a hard thing, to lose a sibling you were so close with. It is a wound that never heals and sometimes begins to seep at the most unexpected times for time has no bearing on the heart. True time can ease the acute pain from the loss but it does not erase what has been and is still felt. Today is my sister's birthday and I miss her just as much today as I did the day she crossed into the boundary lands. Perhaps more so for life has changed so much since that day. I have tried to honor the promise I made her to care for her girls if anything ever happened to her. Now that they are both adults, one with a child of her own, I think I can safely say that to this date I have done so. It is a double edged knife though. One moment proud of what I have done in her name and proud of the people they are becoming and the next moment wishing that she could have been here to do it herself, to experience the things that I am experiencing in her stead. I have been standing in her shadow for them for the last 12 years and these moment can be hard to endure. Now, as I sit here wishing that I could call her to wish her a happy birthday, that I could plan a party for her or take her out to celebrate in some way, I am reminded of so many moments we shared together that, at the time, did not seem so monumental and important. These moments have remained the light within the darkness of my grief and I cherish them for the healing power they have become. They are my antidote when the sorrow threatens to overtake me. I can still see her smiling at me when I had my first baby and the pride that was one her face. I can still hear her laugh herself to tears and her voice as she told me of things that either pleased her or upset her. I can still feel the way she squeezed my hand for support when she had to stand tall for her girls during a difficult moment in their lives. I can still hear the way she cried when her heart was broken and hear the pleading in her voice as she looked to me to help soothe it. I can remember countless  moments where she was pulling pranks or telling jokes and just enjoying what life had given her. I can also remember moments where we were at each others throats, in total disagreement and threatened to never speak to each other again. Those moments  were typical sibling moments and never seemed to last for very long. No matter what though, I remember that when it counted, we were always there for each other in whatever capacity we needed to be. I remember her telling me she loved me and kissing me on the cheek a week before she passed away. That moment....that moment I believe her soul knew her fate even if she wasn't aware of it. All these little moments have forged themselves into the steel that is required to get through everyday without her and today is no exception. Today, as the tears pour down my face and my grief threatens to engulf me, I put my weight on these memories in the hopes that they will help me to stand tall as they do every other time I am missing her so much. Happy Birthday my sister...

The Right to Write

I had a phenomenal weekend. Locked inside a hotel room with my computer at the ready, I was able to write. I know for some this may not seem like some incredible thing, but to someone with the beginnings of four books sitting on her hard drive and no quiet or free time to focus on them, it was a blessing. I don't know how much time it will take me to continue the story that I have started, but I do know that eventually it will be completed. I have decided, however, that I hate research! Perhaps the next book will be completely make belief, that way I do not have to check for anything remotely resembling accuracy! However, the story I am writing now has not been one for that genre. It is fictional, yes, but there are certain things that must be somewhat fact within it, such as the description of locations named etc. Still, it is the part I least enjoy when writing. I much prefer to just let my mind take off and make of it what it will. Some of my best ideas are formed out of this chaotic technique. What does that say about myself? That I am someone who's mind is rarely settled I am sure. I can live with that. One does not necessarily have to have a settled mind to have an organized one. There can be a certain structure to chaos, especially when it is being channeled in a healthy manner, such as writing, music or art. For now though, I will just take time when time is allotted me and get as much of this book finished as possible. I intend it to be a best seller one day! Hope you all enjoy your weeks ahead!
Namaste

Gifts From The Heart

Today is my birthday and so far I have spent it stirring up memories of birthdays past. I think for me, the most significant birthday memory I have is the one that became a tradition in some regards. Every year on my birthday when I was a little girl, my dad did the same thing. I would come home for lunch from school and he would be sitting at the kitchen table with his cassette player at the ready and he would play and sing the following song to me.

Happy Birthday Darlin' - Conway Twitty

Hello darling, happy birthday
I've decided not to give you a present this year
In fact I think it's about time I took some things away.

I'd like to take away the suspicion
That I know clouds your world at times
By giving you some faith to hold on to, honey
Whenever your hand is not in mine.

Happy birthday darling, I've no present, no fancy cake
But I hope I'll make you happy with everything I take.

I'd like to take away some of your lonely moments
By spending more time with you
And I'd like to take away some of those so, so kisses
And replace them with ones that really say, I love you.

And I want to take away the doubt
You sometimes have about my love
By showing it more, much more than I've shown you lately
And then if someone should ask you
What I got you for your birthday
Well you can say, why he didn't give me anything
But he sure took a lot of things away.

Happy birthday darling I've no present, no fancy cake
But I hope I'll make you happy with everything I take.

Happy birthday darling I've no present, no fancy cake
But I hope I'll make you happy with everything I take.

Happy birthday, darling...

As I sit here a grown woman, many years past this experience, I still have the same feelings I used to have when he would pull me onto his lap and sing this song for me.  Even as a child I understood what the words to this song were really telling me and what the meaning was of the act he was displaying just for me. Just as I did back then when my dad would bear his soul to me in this most heartfelt way, I want to cry. We didn't have a lot of money when I was a child and this was the only gift he ever gave me for my birthday but it is the best gift a daughter could ever hope for because it came from his heart. It was his vow to me to be there for me whenever I needed him to be, to love me no matter what I might say or do and to do whatever was in his power to do to make sure I always knew how important I was in his world and that I was always happy in mine. It is these gifts, the ones that stir the soul and make the heart overflow with love, that have always meant the most to me. For my birthday this year, all I want is the same thing. I want to make the hearts of everyone I hold dear overflow. I want to make their soul's sing and dance, their faces  smile and their worlds  right themselves, even just for today. I want to share this feeling that has risen to the surface with the memory of my dad and his gift with every person I love. This is my birthday wish, my Valentine's wish, to all of you. Live, laugh and love.....especially today.
Namaste

The Perfectly Planned Surprise

I don't usually write at night. Most of the time I am getting ready to send myself to bed to read and unwind after a long day. Tonight though, I am writing as I wait for the clock to strike 10 and my overnight shift with my adorable grandson to begin. I enjoy the time I get to spend with him one on one. While the rest of the house is off to dreamland, I am making sure he is well fed and changed, cuddled against my chest while I tell him stories or sing him some not-so-traditional lullaby's. Most grandmother's don't really get to experience what I do because not all are lucky enough to have their grandchildren residing under the same roof as them. I have to admit, if someone would have told me a year ago that I would be spending tonight tending to my grandson I would have told them they were on drugs. This was never the way I saw things unfolding. I didn't expect to have a grandson before I even turned 35 and I surely never expected to have my daughter and her new family living under the same roof with me when it did finally happen. Life is funny that way I suppose. We spend a lot of time planning our lives and our futures only to have the unexpected happen all the time to change the direction we thought we were heading in. Sometimes these changes in our course are positive like when each of my girls were born, sometimes not so much, but all changes can lead to new opportunities and blessings which perhaps we never knew we wanted but are so grateful we have received. At least this is the way I feel when I am starring down into my grandson's perfect little face, wondering if he can see me yet, knowing without a doubt that he can feel the love in my heart for him. I remember those quiet times with each of my daughters...seeing those same looks of recognition, feeling the exchange of energy as the bond is created and knowing that we are connected together for all time. It was amazing and life changing then and it still is. The power of unconditional love.

To Be What It Needs To Be

I don't really know what I am doing here. Now, this is not some massive metaphysical quandary I am speaking of, but this blog. I had thought to delete every entry in here today and start again in the hopes of making it, for once and for all, what I want it to be. But there are two issues with that. The first being that I don't really know what I want to do with this little corner of cyberspace that I have declared as my own. I had thought the quotes a fantastic idea, and I still believe that I was able to really delve deep in some cases, taking from a few simple words a wealth of meaning. My hope was also to help  give inspiration to others who may have been struggling, who needed a little bit of encouragement or another way to look at something and I can only pray that in some way I was successful. However, this effort also left me feeling like I was somehow getting the short end of the stick sometimes. Instead of freely writing about what was naturally flowing within me, I was always busy trying to find words spoken by other people to try and make sense of my own tangled thoughts. The problem with doing this is that I am bypassing my own reflections to some degree because they are NOT my words that I am breaking apart to find meaning but the thoughts, feelings and opinions of another mind. Yes, I can relate to those inspirations and I can pull strength from them when my mind is grasping for something to hold on to but ultimately, to truly be able to call this space mine, these have to be my thoughts, my words, my feelings and opinions.  The second reason I have decided not to delete all posting up to this point is because it just seems like an awful waste of time, energy and thought. I may have started the entries with quotes contributed to other people but that was not what the entire blog posting was about. They were all how I  tried to interpreted these quotes into my own life and circumstances.  And so, no matter which direction this blog takes, I will leave those writings for they are a part of where I was at that particular moment in time. There is no reason that the topics and styles of the blog can't change and evolve with me, because the purpose is and always has been ME. These are my thoughts, my insights and admissions no matter if I am showing them by the quote I chose one day to break apart and interpret or the manner of letting my mind wander as I am now, letting the writing become fluid and letting it be what it needs to be. I am a work in progress, and so too shall this space be.

Namaste

The Importance of Trying

Happy Friday everyone! I can't believe that this is the last Friday of January already..it has flown by so quickly! There has been much to keep me preoccupied these last few weeks and I think I have chosen well in today's quote as a reflection of where my thought patterns are coming from today.

Today's Quote: "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." - Theodore (Teddy) Roosevelt

I started to type today on the importance of trying, even if we don't succeed right away and I came up with a plethora of examples from politics, to science and medicine to the basic things we have come to depend on in our daily lives. These things include but are not limited to; homes that can withstand the elements, indoor plumbing and central heating, our televisions, computers and even that silicone pot holder you used to take your chocolate chip cookies out of the oven.  If we were to really take apart even the simplest things we have, know, see or experience in our lives today, other than things that we can find naturally occurring around us, everything else was the result of an idea; a simple thought that was acted upon. Now, we all have ideas but the key is that these ideas were then put into action to become what we know them to be today. The process of putting thought into action means that there was most likely  some failures, some errors made along the way that required the original idea to be tweaked until it went from thought to actually being. How tragic our lives would have been if all the amazing minds that have contributed to what we know of existence today, had given up the first time they failed. Now, some might say that these contributions to our lives were the work of exceptional minds and I would not disagree with that statement at all, however, what made them so exceptional? Was it the fact that they had the courage and determination to act on their ideas or was it a level of intelligence that gave them the idea in the first place? I tend to believe that it was the former and not the latter. ANY person can think. Any person can dream up fantastic images of things that they wish existed or a way of life they wish they could experience. That is the power of imagination and we all have one. What we do with those ideas is totally dependent on us. Not every idea is a good one and not every idea will change the world dramatically but that does not mean that we don't all have good ideas that COULD change our lives. The majority of the population, however, will not take that risk. Perhaps they think their ideas are silly, maybe they fear they are bad ideas and are so worried about it failing that they play it safe and keep the idea to themselves. Some people I am sure just feel they don't have the resources to make it a reality. Whatever the cause, it is but a small few who will continuously work to take what is in their heads and no matter how many times they may stumble, keep pushing onward until their idea has become integrated into our way of life. The same can be said for other aspects of our lives as well. This sense of determination is not limited to those who are trying to invent something, or change world policy etc. Perhaps what we are talking about here  is the idea that we can achieve a certain personal goal for ourselves and not something as dramatic as changing the way the entire world experiences their lives. This is no less important of a message for those seeking to advance their own existences, to expand their own personal knowledge and horizons and improve upon themselves. In fact, I would say that this message is even more important to those who are struggling to find a good reason to get up in the morning, to continue barreling on regardless of what life may throw in their pathways. Those in this scenario are no less intelligent or important than anyone else on the planet. My advice to you all, no matter where you are at in your lives, is to never give up, never give in and ALWAYS keep trying your best and reaching for your stars. You never know when you might discover something amazing!

Namaste

In Sickness And In Health: A Marriage To Oneself

Good morning all. I am going to cut to the chase because I have a lot to say regarding today's choice of wisdom.

Today's Quote:  "This is the true joy in life--the being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; the being a force of nature instead of a feverish, selfish little clod of ailments and grievances, complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy." - George Bernard Shaw

There are a couple different reasons why I chose this quote today. The first is because I agree with it completely. The second, however, is that lately I have been feeling more like the latter part of this message than the former and I needed to give myself a good hard shake to wake myself up. Having said that though, I do not think the world should devote itself to making me happy. No one and nothing can MAKE me anything. That is a choice I make for myself. However, I have been feeling somewhat like a clod of ailments and grievances. I can admit that I have not been feeling at my best. I have had my physical challenges reminding me in their ever persistent and painful ways that I do, in fact, have limitations. I seem to have sponged up some sort of virus that has been going through my house and friends like a wild fire, there have been the stresses of life in general and there is also my birthday coming up and my realization that I have had to disappoint some people because of my own shortcomings.  I am also feeling a bit disappointed with myself for letting these things blind me from seeing and following my goals in life. The result is that I have been feeling somewhat limited, overwhelmed and stressed out these past few days. It never ceases to amaze me how, if we are looking for them, the answers are always there for us. Such was the case for me this morning. Before I found today's choice quote and decided to start writing, I was sitting and drinking my morning cup of tea when I had one of those moments of sheer "well duh!". Some would call them epiphanies I suppose, but I like to think of them more as the moment when our minds decide to turn their lights on for a moment, enabling us a better glimpse of it's working parts. My personal glimpse this morning told me that I was being a very sad and lazy person lately. I had allowed my physical challenges, like health and pain, to overwhelm my greatest strength...my mind. I had allowed the physical cues to convince me that I was not able to deal with the other challenges I wanted to face, the goals I had made for myself, the victories I could all but taste on my tongue. I was allowing my own tainted perceptions to add to my overall health. Do I feel well today? On a physical level, no not really if I am being completely honest but here is an even bigger question...am I going to allow it to control me? No. I am not. I have endometriosis and with it comes physical limitations. That is just a fact. So instead of letting the pain levels drag me into a state of depression I will respect those limitations, but I will no longer succumb to them. I have a virus wracking my body but that doesn't mean it needs to take hold of my entire outlook. It just means that I will have to modify my schedule for the next couple days to allow myself to heal. I have allowed the issues of life to stress me out to the point of overwhelming my ability  to problem solve lately but that too is going to be changed. I am more than capable of handling any challenge that life throws at me because I am an intelligent woman with so many resources at my disposal if I would just utilize them more. These are all purposes I consider to be mighty and worthy of my time and energy. These are things that will improve my life, my outlook, my health and my growth as a person. This is how I can once again become a force of nature. I bid you all a glorious day and a moment of clarity to enhance your lives for the better. May you all be blessed.

Namaste

Building An Improved Model of Self

Good Morning all. I would not usually use a quote directed at a certain religious bent however this one I believe can be modified to fit anyone's beliefs. In my opinion the message it relays is far more important than any correlation between it and any one religious path.

Today's Quote: "Just in case you believe that great social problems are beyond your scope, consider this story: God said to me: Your task is to build a better world. I answered: How can I do that? The world is such a large, vast place, so complicated now, and I am so small and useless. There's nothing I can do. But God in his great wisdom said: Just build a better you." - Anonymous

 For those who know me, you all know that I am Wiccan so if I can see set aside the religious aspects of this quote and grasp the message that by being the best human being I can be, I can change my world, I think that anyone can find this quote just as inspirational. I would consider this quote to be just as profound had the conversation been between a parent/child, teacher/pupil, or any other type of relationship dynamic that exists in the world. The key, for me anyway, is not the word God. It is the overall message that we, as individual people, have the power to change the world for the better. By making ourselves into what we each consider to be good people filled with love, understanding and compassion, we directly influence those around us. If we live our lives like the entire world is watching us and using us as the example of how life should be lived, we have the opportunity to lead by good example, to show people who perhaps do not know how to live in such a way that it is possible and the bounty that comes with it. If we can influence just the people in our immediate circles, then those people influence the people in their circles and so on and so forth until before we know it, our example has been extended beyond any scope of what we conceived even possible. This is how one person CAN change the world that they exist in. Can you imagine the possibilities of this effect on a world wide scale? If every person was to build themselves to be better people than they were before? The result would be unlike anything we have ever experienced. Life would be drastically different from the one in which we all currently live.  Now, I am not saying that by doing so we can remove every single negative aspect of life. With so many unique people from different cultures and beliefs, different backgrounds and moral compasses existing on one planet together there are bound to be challenges and hardships, the clashing of ideas and opinions.  However, if each of us were working on building ourselves into better people, perhaps those troubled times would not becoming all encompassing global problems and everyone would get what they need to live their lives as peacefully and productively as possible. Becoming a better person, never mind a better species, does not happen over night. It is a process that we have to constantly be working on to improve. It requires an open mind and heart, determination, forgiveness, as well as knowledge, experience, support and education. There has to be honesty with ourselves and others, empathy, communication and a willingness to see things from another persons perspective so that we can understand our fellow human beings better and help them to improve their own circumstances. It takes a lot of hard work to build ourselves into the best people we can possibly be, but the rewards of taking the steps have the ability to change not only our own lives for the better but the entire population, one person at a time. I invite you all to become the best people you can be, to influence those around you so that the ripple effect of your productivity and hard work can enhance the lives of so many others. Even the smallest improvement can have dramatic results.

Namaste

Patience, My Arch Enemy

Happy New year one and all! A new cycle has been started as of yesterday and so lies ahead a blank canvas, waiting for the colors and forms we decide to brush onto it by the choices we make and the joys and sorrows we allow to define us.  The New year, for myself, has already seen it's first test and as I struggle to pass it, I thought I would share a quote that is helping me fight this particular battle.

Today's Quote:  "Adopt the pace of nature:  her secret is patience. " ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I often struggle with this concept of patience. There are times when it comes naturally to me, where I know that my patience is as necessary as breathing and then there are times when patience feels like my nemesis, taunting me constantly. I have had the latter feeling settle over me three times over the last 2 days. First, while I waited to hear how my grandson was after his mom and dad had taken him to the emergency room New Years Eve. I was a little bit of a wreak and I can admit that it took every ounce of my will power not to jump into my car and drive to the hospital. I hate not knowing what is happening, I hate feeling helpless to do anything but sit and wait. The minutes seem to become hours in those moments and when I finally did get the phone call that he was fine, it was like a giant weight had been lifted from my shoulders and I was free once again to enjoy my evening.  Then there was the news of my brother being in an accident although I have heard on my brother, and that has settled my mind to some degree. I must confess though that my brain is at war with my heart in that matter.  I am glad he is ok and  I pray to the Gods that the other driver is as well, pray that lessons have been learned and that the cost will not be too incredibly high but at the same time, he is a grown man who made his choices and he should have to face the consequences for his actions. He made a huge mistake and I hope he has learned from it. It does not make him a bad person and he should get a chance to pay his penance and move forward with more knowledge and understanding of himself and those around him.  Then there was learning that my Aunt had also been taken to the hospital via ambulance because she was having difficulty breathing.  I still am waiting to hear about her and trying to convince my brain that no news is good news and that all will be well but having to be patient and wait to have that confirmed is like torture to my "need to know" way of thinking. A lot on my mind requiring me to be patient but in moments like this it is such a trail for me.  I am doing my best and that has to be enough. It's so weird though, how I can be so patient with a sick person or a baby that just wants to be held as he screams his tiny little lungs out in discomfort yet in the moments when it is even more conducive to be patient, I struggle with all I am worth to find that settling calm. My impatience will not get me any further along, will not help me in any sort of way to deal or process the situation. It won't get me the answers I seek any quicker and won't help to settle my mind any better. In face, it will just grate on my sensitive nerves and keep me locked in a battle that I just have no control over to win. And so, I will take a page from nature, from my little plant that is blooming, the weather that is slowly but surely changing it's ways, the cycles that are happening all around me in their own time and space and I will use their knowledge and energy to help steer my own. I will be patient, because sometimes, that is all you can be. 

Namaste

A Yule Miracle

Merry Meet and Blessed Yule! I have had an emotional rollercoaster of a day but in the end, it was as it was meant to be. I found out today that my daughter will be induced on Friday morning, which means that I will have a brand new grandson this solstice! I have so many emotions running through me that it is hard for me to concentrate, so when I read the quote I have chosen for today and felt a little weepy over it, I knew it was the right quote at the right time. I knew, just like the arrival of my miracle grandson, that it was just meant to be.

Today's quote: "Soon I will be an old, white-haired lady, into whose lap someone places a baby, saying "Smile Grandma!" - I, who myself so recently was photographed on my grandmother's lap." Liv Ullmann

I chose this quote because it is completely relates to my life today. I have a picture of myself on my fourth birthday, sitting on my grandmother's lap with the doll she had gifted me in tow. That picture is full of memories for me, especially since I lost her 7 years after that birthday. I remember looking at that picture when it was housed in my mother's photo album and my mother saying to me "do you remember what you said to Grandma when that picture was taken?" I replied that I didn't and she told me that I had sat on my grandmother's knee and said to her, "Grandma, will you still love me now that I'm four?" My mother told me that it took everything in their power not to burst out in laughter at the seriousness with which I had asked the question. I can imagine it was a priceless moment for them, just as the memory of it still is for me thirty years later. Now, only a couple days away from being blessed with MY first grandchild, I am anxiously awaiting all the moments like that that him and I will create together. For those of you who do not know the backstory, my daughter was scheduled to have gynecological surgery a week after she found out she was pregnant. That surgery had the probability of making it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her to have a child. The news was a miracle to us and I know that I believe, with all my heart, that the Gods were smiling down on us. Now, with her going in for an induction just one day after Yule, I find myself thinking about the symbolism of the miracle grandson coming at a time when my belief is celebrating the birth of the Sun King. I know, without a doubt, that he is going to do wonderful things in life. He has been placed in our hands and hearts against all odds because he has an important purpose in this world. I can feel the truth of this with all my being. I cannot even express how completely blessed I am feeling at this moment. Tomorrow night, while I celebrate Yule, I will be making sure that I bestow my gratitude for the gift I am being granted in the form of my grandson, as well as the precious gifts I have already been given in the forms of my children, husband and the numerous other family members and friends that I have in my life. This is what utter and complete happiness feels like. I wish you all a very Blessed Yule/Merry Christmas/Season's Greetings/ Happy Kwanza, Joyful Hanukkah and any other celebration you may take part in this holiday season. May your lives be enriched with love and peace.

Namaste

Random Acts of Kindness

Merry Meet! I hope you have all enjoyed your weekend. Mine was spent getting the last of the Yule/Christmas preparations completed before the holidays next week. It is going to be a very busy few days! I have to admit, today's quote was inspired by a story I read about numerous good Samaritans paying off layaway accounts for family's struggling to make the payments. I was deeply touched by the random acts of kindness these people showed to their fellow man and so I wanted to pay that forward in my own little way by sharing a quote that I find particularly inspiring, especially when I am struggling to remember why I am doing things for other people.

Today's quote: "Give cheerfully and freely. It is the energy behind the giving that matters so do not give grudgingly. The law of cause and effect guarantees that you shall receive plenty for what you give."David Cameron Gikandi

I have to own that I sometimes have a very bad habit of doing things for people, especially family,  because I feel obligated to do so. I have a tendency to look upon these "favors" as something I have to do, instead of something I want to do. I am sure I am not the only person on the planet who feels this way at one time or another. An example of this would be that I sometimes do things for my father because I feel it is my duty as his daughter, because he has done so much for me. This is not a productive line of thought and is in fact in direct contrast with what my quote states. I am working very hard to correct this character flaw in myself but sometimes it is like pulling teeth to me. I sometimes feel it is easier to do something grudgingly rather than saying "no" to someone who has asked me to help them because then I always feel guilty or feel that they will think I am selfish. In my mind, this is unacceptable because what the people I am around think of me as a person is incredibly important to me. I want to be loved, needed and generally liked. I want to be the person they know will help them if they need me to.  In my mind, saying "no" to someone who has asked something of me will give them an automatic negative view of my character. I know that it is really not this way, that people realize that perhaps I just don't have the time or the answers or whatever it is they may require from me, but it feels this way to me.  This habitual reaction is really doing more harm than good because if the behavior continues, I am going to be known as the person who will help others, but will feel "put out" to do so. This is NOT what I want people to say about my character. I want to be known as someone who gives freely to others, who is always there to lend a helping hand, who loves everyone, judges no one and who can be confided in and trusted. If you give of yourself to others because you feel you have to, the energy of that also transfers with the deed and it creates a type of pollution within the intent. Those you are doing the deed for can feel  that you are only doing it because you feel like you have to and it makes them feel horrible for having asked it of you. This is not what helping and giving means by any definition. It is not suppose to make either the giver or the receiver feel badly about the exchange and that is exactly what happens if you are not giving of yourself purely because you desire to do so, because you want to. Along this same line of thinking comes the topic of giving with the expectation of getting something back. It is no good if you expect something other than to feel good about being able to help someone out. Gifts, no matter if they are purchased or just a piece of your time, are suppose to be just that, gifts. The definition of a gift, according to freedictionary.com is something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation. Expecting something in return because you gave something, is not giving a gift.  I encourage you all to look at your motives the next time you decide to gift someone in some way, shape or form. Are you doing it for the right reasons? Are you both going to feel good about it before, during and afterwards? This is the season of giving and it doesn't have to cost anything in a monetary context to be able to reap the emotional and spiritual benefits that giving to others can provide. This reminder is MY gift to all of you just as surely as the story which inspired me to write this blog in the first place was a reminder, a gift, given to me.
Namaste, be blessed.

Music To My Ears

I know this blog is showing itself kind of late in the day but I just wasn't quite ready to write earlier. I have finally had that light bulb go on that told me I had the perfect topic to offer up for my perceptions of the moment and so now I will share them with you.

Today's quote: " I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the world." Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)

I have had a pretty fantastic day. I have spent a lot of it laughing at the numerous people, influences and situations that have crossed my path. Today was just a good day to laugh and it felt really liberating to be able to let go of the stress that so often overtakes my life.
It all started when I was playing status tag on a networking site with my best friend in the entire world. Now, there is a woman who knows how to laugh! She has one of the best laughs I have ever heard and it actually comes in two parts. First there is the "Betty Rubble" giggle, which shows itself on a fairly regular basis as she seems to be able to find humor in almost anything! Then there is her "belly laugh", which is just what it sounds like. It comes straight from her belly, loud and booming, her mirth radiating out of her and effecting everyone around her. It is completely contagious and there is not a person, I don't think, who could refrain from sharing in her joy when she let's that one go. She is one of the few people in the world who can make me laugh so ridiculously hard that I actually burst into tears, my emotional floodgate being smashed to pieces by whatever incident has caused the laugh fest to begin. I have known her for 27 years and there are a million stories to be told and relived where this was the outcome of my time spent with her. After that, I started my quote hunt for this blog and I came across so many funny quotes that just had me in stitches. My daughter actually asked me if I was drunk because I was laughing so hard at what I was reading! Then her and I started in on a conversation where we once again, started laughing and joking around. Making dinner with my other two children loaned itself to still more silliness and laughter and then after dinner, a  little playing and teasing with my husband had us both giggling away like little school girls. Indeed, today has been a day to laugh and the ability to do so and the sheer sounds of it filling my home was a symphony to my ears. I can think of no better sound in the world. Whether it is the adorable first laugh of a baby, the toddler chasing the dog and laughing at the experience, friends laughing together or lovers sharing a funny memory to the sound of it, there is no such thing as laughing out of key and every note is beautiful and moving. I wish you all merriment and joy today and always. May your own personal magnum opus fill your hearts and homes.
Namaste

Beautiful

Good morning all. I must confess, I woke up this morning feeling a little mushy and so today's quote is a reflection of that. I don't know if it was just a beautiful morning, or if the energy of the season is taking me in it's grasp but regardless of the why, I know the how and that is what is most important to me.

Today's Quote: "I am so glad that you are here... It helps me realize how beautiful my world is." Goethe

As I stated earlier, I am not sure what has made me contemplate such things today but I find myself looking at the people in my life, the many roles they each play and just how those roles affect my world. There are some, of course, that are not the most pleasant to have to deal with at times but for the most part, the people I have chosen to surround myself with all add to my existence in some way, shape or form. There is my husband, whose love for me gives me strength and courage to be able to overcome any obstacle that may cross my path. His unshakable faith in me and my abilities to grow and become all that I desire are a constant beacon when I feel that I have lost my way. My children also have added to my life in more ways than I could possibly ever count. Sometimes, the role of being a parent can be exhausting and frustrating, but the unconditional love, the growth and learning together...those are experiences that I would never trade for anything in the world. There is my extended family; my dad and siblings, nieces, nephews and cousins, whose influence and support has helped to mold me into the person I am today and for which I will always be eternally grateful. There are the numerous friends and family that I have claimed as my own just because they are special people and lighten my heart when I think of them. So many wonderful people have come into my life and as the quote states, I am so glad you are all here making my world beautiful.
Namaste 

The Warmth of Winter

Good morning all! Today's quote is inspired by all this beautiful powdery white stuff we see on the ground right now! I know that some of you are despising it's presence but hopefully I can give you a new perspective on it's charms. 

Today's quote:  There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you.... In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself.  ~Ruth Stout

I am a winter baby. I was born in February and from what I have been told, it was a pretty cold day. Perhaps that is why I look forward to this season all year long to the dismay of most of the people around me. It seems that those who appreciate the cold, dark solitude of the season are few and far between. Most see the winter as a time of biting cold and icy roads, letting those downsides completely spoil all the beauty and wonder that winter has to offer. The ethereal  blanket of white that shrouds everything around us from the tree tops to the ground, sparkling like a million perfect diamonds under the light of the Sun and Moon is one of the most majestic sights I have ever seen. It is while enjoying this view, especially at night when the temperature drop has everyone hiding behind their heavy doors, that I seem to have some of the most profound thoughts. In the silence of the night I wrap myself in a blanket and venture out onto the step where I look, listen and learn so very much about myself and how I relate to the world around me. There is no one to distract me from these thoughts and the brisk air clears the mind in a natural manner that puts forced meditation practices to shame. Winter can be a time of solitude due to the constraints the weather puts on our activities and it is in those moments when we have the opportunity to really get in touch with the people we are on the inside as well as getting back to the basics of what family is. I love a snow-day when the roads are bad enough that no one is driving anywhere, the schools are closed and everyone is tucked away in the safety and warmth of the home, enjoying a hot cup of tea or cocoa together. There is nothing in this world quite as healing as time spent with loved ones, doing the things that our busy schedules rarely allow and I cherish the winter for the moments like this that it provides. I wish you all a blessed  and safe winter season and I hope I have been able to give you a reason to enjoy it as much as I do. It truly is a magical time of year!
Namaste

The Continuance of the Generations

Good morning and Merry Meet everyone! I have had so much going on recently that I have just not had the time to sit and write and for that I apologize. The holidays are only a couple weeks away and as you may or may not be aware, I am expecting my first grandchild any time now. I am constantly on pins and needles, waiting to hear the words" Mom, I think I'm in labor"! It won't be long now. So with a host of emotions filtering through my mind at the moment, I have decided to choose a quote on this life altering experience.

Today's Quote: "Because they've either conveniently forgotten with time or they're trying to be supportive, most mothers won't tell you how hard pregnancy (and then childbirth) can be. Let me tell you, it is. It's brutal sometimes! But, if I did it, ANYONE can do it. I mean, I always knew I was meant to do something really BIG in life, and now I know that this was it. Screw winning an Academy Award someday....I GAVE BIRTH!" Jenny McCarthy, Belly Laughs


When I read this quote I can't help but smile at it because it reminds me so much of when I was expecting my first child. I was very young and so I remember asking my mother all sorts of things! I mean let's face it, who would be better to ask than the woman who brought you into this world?  She would look at me with such patience, her eyes would light up and a smile would cross her face.  Now I understand what that look really means. It's the look that says " I am so proud of you.  I am honored that you are coming to me with your questions and grateful that I have the answers you need." As a parent to an adult child, it can, at times, feel like our time to influence them has come to pass. When the opportunity to once again be their fountains of knowledge presents itself, we can't help but feel that sense of wonder at it all. Now, when my daughter comes to me with her legion of inquiries, I find myself giving her that same bright-eyed smiling look. I answer all her questions and just like my mother never lied to me about all the ups and downs of pregnancy, birth and everything that is to come afterward, I try my best to be as forthcoming with her. Creating life and being the one to bring it into this world is a beautiful, magical experience full of joy and wonder, but it is also a very trying time on the body, mind and soul. It causes you to change as a person and your relationships with other people change as well. You are never again the person you used to be. Designer jeans are traded in for comfortable sweat pants. The freedom to just go out whenever you want is replaced with tending a sick child who only wants to be cuddled and soothed when you have plans to be somewhere else. The stress of wanting only the best for them and fearing you are not able to give them that is a constant part of your mind. It is a 24/7/365 commitment and let me tell you, it does not end when they reach adulthood. It just changes.  I remember my mother telling me, "it is the hardest, most grueling and under appreciated job in the world, but the most important tasks of life usually are this way". My mother had the right of it all those years ago and now I sit on the brink of a new chapter in my life, one I get to share with my daughter as she faces the challenges and rewards of being a mom. All I can hope for is that the lessons I have tried to instill in her have taken root and that I will see them bloom and flourish in the life of my grandson. I am a mother of three beautiful girls who are all but grown now and while they sometimes frustrate and stress me out to no end..I wouldn't change it for the world.
Namaste