The Right to Write

I had a phenomenal weekend. Locked inside a hotel room with my computer at the ready, I was able to write. I know for some this may not seem like some incredible thing, but to someone with the beginnings of four books sitting on her hard drive and no quiet or free time to focus on them, it was a blessing. I don't know how much time it will take me to continue the story that I have started, but I do know that eventually it will be completed. I have decided, however, that I hate research! Perhaps the next book will be completely make belief, that way I do not have to check for anything remotely resembling accuracy! However, the story I am writing now has not been one for that genre. It is fictional, yes, but there are certain things that must be somewhat fact within it, such as the description of locations named etc. Still, it is the part I least enjoy when writing. I much prefer to just let my mind take off and make of it what it will. Some of my best ideas are formed out of this chaotic technique. What does that say about myself? That I am someone who's mind is rarely settled I am sure. I can live with that. One does not necessarily have to have a settled mind to have an organized one. There can be a certain structure to chaos, especially when it is being channeled in a healthy manner, such as writing, music or art. For now though, I will just take time when time is allotted me and get as much of this book finished as possible. I intend it to be a best seller one day! Hope you all enjoy your weeks ahead!
Namaste

Gifts From The Heart

Today is my birthday and so far I have spent it stirring up memories of birthdays past. I think for me, the most significant birthday memory I have is the one that became a tradition in some regards. Every year on my birthday when I was a little girl, my dad did the same thing. I would come home for lunch from school and he would be sitting at the kitchen table with his cassette player at the ready and he would play and sing the following song to me.

Happy Birthday Darlin' - Conway Twitty

Hello darling, happy birthday
I've decided not to give you a present this year
In fact I think it's about time I took some things away.

I'd like to take away the suspicion
That I know clouds your world at times
By giving you some faith to hold on to, honey
Whenever your hand is not in mine.

Happy birthday darling, I've no present, no fancy cake
But I hope I'll make you happy with everything I take.

I'd like to take away some of your lonely moments
By spending more time with you
And I'd like to take away some of those so, so kisses
And replace them with ones that really say, I love you.

And I want to take away the doubt
You sometimes have about my love
By showing it more, much more than I've shown you lately
And then if someone should ask you
What I got you for your birthday
Well you can say, why he didn't give me anything
But he sure took a lot of things away.

Happy birthday darling I've no present, no fancy cake
But I hope I'll make you happy with everything I take.

Happy birthday darling I've no present, no fancy cake
But I hope I'll make you happy with everything I take.

Happy birthday, darling...

As I sit here a grown woman, many years past this experience, I still have the same feelings I used to have when he would pull me onto his lap and sing this song for me.  Even as a child I understood what the words to this song were really telling me and what the meaning was of the act he was displaying just for me. Just as I did back then when my dad would bear his soul to me in this most heartfelt way, I want to cry. We didn't have a lot of money when I was a child and this was the only gift he ever gave me for my birthday but it is the best gift a daughter could ever hope for because it came from his heart. It was his vow to me to be there for me whenever I needed him to be, to love me no matter what I might say or do and to do whatever was in his power to do to make sure I always knew how important I was in his world and that I was always happy in mine. It is these gifts, the ones that stir the soul and make the heart overflow with love, that have always meant the most to me. For my birthday this year, all I want is the same thing. I want to make the hearts of everyone I hold dear overflow. I want to make their soul's sing and dance, their faces  smile and their worlds  right themselves, even just for today. I want to share this feeling that has risen to the surface with the memory of my dad and his gift with every person I love. This is my birthday wish, my Valentine's wish, to all of you. Live, laugh and love.....especially today.
Namaste

Soul Food

I have had an awesome weekend! Tomorrow is my birthday and so the love of my life as well as another loved one got together to throw me my very first  birthday party. It was themed on one of my favorite time periods, the 80's ! There was candy from that era, movie quotes pasted to the walls on decorative foam pieces, music video's from the 80's playing on the big screen and even the decorations looked like something out of Pretty In Pink. The homemade foods and cake were delicious! The most amazing thing about it all though were the guests. Usually we are all getting together because I am throwing a party for someone or something else, so it was so touching to see everyone there to help me celebrate my own birthday. There are no words to express how much that meant to me. I loved watching the kids dance along with me to the songs I grew up dancing too and even seeing the adults get their silliness on dressing and dancing like they would have during that time in their lives. Even those who were never around in the 80's were dressed up! It was awesome to see little mini "crybabies" and pop queens:) From skater rolled jeans, to flashy gold pants, to the gothic look and good old fashion punk, the diversity of the outfits and the effort put into them was outstanding! I felt so loved and I could not have thought of a better way to celebrate than with those I love. It was magical:) There are no words that are adequate enough to thank everyone. It was definitely a soul nourishing experience. I am so very blessed.

The Perfectly Planned Surprise

I don't usually write at night. Most of the time I am getting ready to send myself to bed to read and unwind after a long day. Tonight though, I am writing as I wait for the clock to strike 10 and my overnight shift with my adorable grandson to begin. I enjoy the time I get to spend with him one on one. While the rest of the house is off to dreamland, I am making sure he is well fed and changed, cuddled against my chest while I tell him stories or sing him some not-so-traditional lullaby's. Most grandmother's don't really get to experience what I do because not all are lucky enough to have their grandchildren residing under the same roof as them. I have to admit, if someone would have told me a year ago that I would be spending tonight tending to my grandson I would have told them they were on drugs. This was never the way I saw things unfolding. I didn't expect to have a grandson before I even turned 35 and I surely never expected to have my daughter and her new family living under the same roof with me when it did finally happen. Life is funny that way I suppose. We spend a lot of time planning our lives and our futures only to have the unexpected happen all the time to change the direction we thought we were heading in. Sometimes these changes in our course are positive like when each of my girls were born, sometimes not so much, but all changes can lead to new opportunities and blessings which perhaps we never knew we wanted but are so grateful we have received. At least this is the way I feel when I am starring down into my grandson's perfect little face, wondering if he can see me yet, knowing without a doubt that he can feel the love in my heart for him. I remember those quiet times with each of my daughters...seeing those same looks of recognition, feeling the exchange of energy as the bond is created and knowing that we are connected together for all time. It was amazing and life changing then and it still is. The power of unconditional love.

Washing It Clean

Good day everyone! Today's quote was inspired by a feeling that settled over me like a cloak today as I was giving my grandson a bath for the very first time. It is amazing how such a simple chore such as that has the power to completely swell the heart when one takes notice of the joy of the moment. 

Today's Quote: "There is one armor that the world of men and women, as a world, has never yet put on.  The churches have long bungled with its fastenings, but the world has gone unfended, and few have been those in whose hands the mystical sword of the spirit has shone with daily use.  This armor, waiting to be worn, is the armor of brotherhood and sacrifice, the world of unselfishness, a conquering sword, with the power, where used, to unite the world in love.  And there are none who may not put it on."  ~M.A. DeWolfe Howe

I felt so at peace, even amongst the tiny little screeching lungs of my grandson, while I gave him his bath today. I was so happy to just have the opportunity to love him so much, to tend to such a simple task that helps to keep him healthy and just to be someone he is already, in his 3 days of life, beginning to recognize as someone who does love him and see's to his needs, someone he is safe with. I thought to myself how wonderful the world could really be if everyone would do as I was doing in that moment, enjoying such a simple pleasure and not letting the negative, such as his crying, outweigh the positive of the experience. I was bathing him not for myself but for him and his mom and dad, to help them out because I could, because I wanted to, because I was honored to.  It was a purely unselfish act carried out with such love and peace within me and the moment was so beautiful and magical that I just wanted every person in the world to have that in their lives the way I was having it in mine. I have not always been so giving, have not always been so affected by such simple things but none of that matters. Anyone, at any given point in time, can make the choice to be happy, to love deeply and share that love with everyone they meet, to take the moments like the one I had today and let it feed their soul. If instead of people hurting others for profit, revenge,  pride (or any of the other multitude of reasons why the human race can't just all get along) they were to embrace each other, celebrate the differences, the things we can all learn from one another to enrich our lives,  there would be such bliss amongst mankind. If everyone could just hold on to those moments of peace, like what I felt today, and chase after those feelings with as much vigor as they chase after their hatred, rage and feelings of negativity, this thing we call life would be so magical for everyone, not just some people. I hope everyone can have their moments of utter bliss and recognize them for what they are. We are truly blessed when we are able to get past everything else to savor the finer things in life.

Namaste

Random Acts of Kindness

Merry Meet! I hope you have all enjoyed your weekend. Mine was spent getting the last of the Yule/Christmas preparations completed before the holidays next week. It is going to be a very busy few days! I have to admit, today's quote was inspired by a story I read about numerous good Samaritans paying off layaway accounts for family's struggling to make the payments. I was deeply touched by the random acts of kindness these people showed to their fellow man and so I wanted to pay that forward in my own little way by sharing a quote that I find particularly inspiring, especially when I am struggling to remember why I am doing things for other people.

Today's quote: "Give cheerfully and freely. It is the energy behind the giving that matters so do not give grudgingly. The law of cause and effect guarantees that you shall receive plenty for what you give."David Cameron Gikandi

I have to own that I sometimes have a very bad habit of doing things for people, especially family,  because I feel obligated to do so. I have a tendency to look upon these "favors" as something I have to do, instead of something I want to do. I am sure I am not the only person on the planet who feels this way at one time or another. An example of this would be that I sometimes do things for my father because I feel it is my duty as his daughter, because he has done so much for me. This is not a productive line of thought and is in fact in direct contrast with what my quote states. I am working very hard to correct this character flaw in myself but sometimes it is like pulling teeth to me. I sometimes feel it is easier to do something grudgingly rather than saying "no" to someone who has asked me to help them because then I always feel guilty or feel that they will think I am selfish. In my mind, this is unacceptable because what the people I am around think of me as a person is incredibly important to me. I want to be loved, needed and generally liked. I want to be the person they know will help them if they need me to.  In my mind, saying "no" to someone who has asked something of me will give them an automatic negative view of my character. I know that it is really not this way, that people realize that perhaps I just don't have the time or the answers or whatever it is they may require from me, but it feels this way to me.  This habitual reaction is really doing more harm than good because if the behavior continues, I am going to be known as the person who will help others, but will feel "put out" to do so. This is NOT what I want people to say about my character. I want to be known as someone who gives freely to others, who is always there to lend a helping hand, who loves everyone, judges no one and who can be confided in and trusted. If you give of yourself to others because you feel you have to, the energy of that also transfers with the deed and it creates a type of pollution within the intent. Those you are doing the deed for can feel  that you are only doing it because you feel like you have to and it makes them feel horrible for having asked it of you. This is not what helping and giving means by any definition. It is not suppose to make either the giver or the receiver feel badly about the exchange and that is exactly what happens if you are not giving of yourself purely because you desire to do so, because you want to. Along this same line of thinking comes the topic of giving with the expectation of getting something back. It is no good if you expect something other than to feel good about being able to help someone out. Gifts, no matter if they are purchased or just a piece of your time, are suppose to be just that, gifts. The definition of a gift, according to freedictionary.com is something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation. Expecting something in return because you gave something, is not giving a gift.  I encourage you all to look at your motives the next time you decide to gift someone in some way, shape or form. Are you doing it for the right reasons? Are you both going to feel good about it before, during and afterwards? This is the season of giving and it doesn't have to cost anything in a monetary context to be able to reap the emotional and spiritual benefits that giving to others can provide. This reminder is MY gift to all of you just as surely as the story which inspired me to write this blog in the first place was a reminder, a gift, given to me.
Namaste, be blessed.