All In A Touch

I had one of those moments last night. The kind that threatens tears and makes your heart feel as if it may burst with the sheer amount of pure love pouring into it. I was holding my grandson who, lately, has been going without the much needed scratch mittens, and as I was feeding him and pulling down the hands that he insistently keeps bringing to his mouth, I noticed something. He has my hands.This is the first time I have ever noticed something about him that is also a part of me. It was a very moving moment. Logically, I can say he is a part of me, as he is my grandson, son to my daughter whom is also a part of me. But to see something on him that is the exact same as something on me was a moment of connection for me. The fact that it happens to be, aside from the eyes, my favorite part of the human anatomy, just made it so much better. The eyes may be the windows to the soul, but the hands - the hands are the tether to the heart. They are the key component of touch and they can convey so much. They can be loving, erotic, comforting, healing, helping, supporting, encouraging, educating, empowering and active. They can also, on the flip side, be idle, harmful, hurting, dismissive and threatening. Yes, the hands and their touch, their movements, can say so much. And he has my hands. It makes me wonder what he will do with them as he grows and learns and changes. Right now, at almost 4 months old, he wonders in his ability to move them, put them in his mouth, suck on them, grab hair and fingers and play with his tongue. He will do so much yet with those hands, just as I have done so much with mine and will continue to do so. This physical connection is such a little thing, but it makes such an enormous impact on me. I wonder if every grandparent experiences these moments or if I am but a small percentage in the world who have allowed the moment to completely envelope me. I hope not. I hope that all people with all sorts of connections can stop their busy lives and allow all these precious moments to completely engulf them. Today's blog has not turned out to be what I had originally planned to write about but it is obviously what I needed to write about. I must say, I am happy for it. I leave you with a quote, a thought and perhaps a connection of your own to bask in.

“If you look deeply into the palm of your hand, you will see your parents and all generations of your ancestors. All of them are alive in this moment. Each is present in your body. You are the continuation of each of these people.”   Thich Nhat Hanh

Namaste

The Perfectly Planned Surprise

I don't usually write at night. Most of the time I am getting ready to send myself to bed to read and unwind after a long day. Tonight though, I am writing as I wait for the clock to strike 10 and my overnight shift with my adorable grandson to begin. I enjoy the time I get to spend with him one on one. While the rest of the house is off to dreamland, I am making sure he is well fed and changed, cuddled against my chest while I tell him stories or sing him some not-so-traditional lullaby's. Most grandmother's don't really get to experience what I do because not all are lucky enough to have their grandchildren residing under the same roof as them. I have to admit, if someone would have told me a year ago that I would be spending tonight tending to my grandson I would have told them they were on drugs. This was never the way I saw things unfolding. I didn't expect to have a grandson before I even turned 35 and I surely never expected to have my daughter and her new family living under the same roof with me when it did finally happen. Life is funny that way I suppose. We spend a lot of time planning our lives and our futures only to have the unexpected happen all the time to change the direction we thought we were heading in. Sometimes these changes in our course are positive like when each of my girls were born, sometimes not so much, but all changes can lead to new opportunities and blessings which perhaps we never knew we wanted but are so grateful we have received. At least this is the way I feel when I am starring down into my grandson's perfect little face, wondering if he can see me yet, knowing without a doubt that he can feel the love in my heart for him. I remember those quiet times with each of my daughters...seeing those same looks of recognition, feeling the exchange of energy as the bond is created and knowing that we are connected together for all time. It was amazing and life changing then and it still is. The power of unconditional love.

The Continuance of the Generations

Good morning and Merry Meet everyone! I have had so much going on recently that I have just not had the time to sit and write and for that I apologize. The holidays are only a couple weeks away and as you may or may not be aware, I am expecting my first grandchild any time now. I am constantly on pins and needles, waiting to hear the words" Mom, I think I'm in labor"! It won't be long now. So with a host of emotions filtering through my mind at the moment, I have decided to choose a quote on this life altering experience.

Today's Quote: "Because they've either conveniently forgotten with time or they're trying to be supportive, most mothers won't tell you how hard pregnancy (and then childbirth) can be. Let me tell you, it is. It's brutal sometimes! But, if I did it, ANYONE can do it. I mean, I always knew I was meant to do something really BIG in life, and now I know that this was it. Screw winning an Academy Award someday....I GAVE BIRTH!" Jenny McCarthy, Belly Laughs


When I read this quote I can't help but smile at it because it reminds me so much of when I was expecting my first child. I was very young and so I remember asking my mother all sorts of things! I mean let's face it, who would be better to ask than the woman who brought you into this world?  She would look at me with such patience, her eyes would light up and a smile would cross her face.  Now I understand what that look really means. It's the look that says " I am so proud of you.  I am honored that you are coming to me with your questions and grateful that I have the answers you need." As a parent to an adult child, it can, at times, feel like our time to influence them has come to pass. When the opportunity to once again be their fountains of knowledge presents itself, we can't help but feel that sense of wonder at it all. Now, when my daughter comes to me with her legion of inquiries, I find myself giving her that same bright-eyed smiling look. I answer all her questions and just like my mother never lied to me about all the ups and downs of pregnancy, birth and everything that is to come afterward, I try my best to be as forthcoming with her. Creating life and being the one to bring it into this world is a beautiful, magical experience full of joy and wonder, but it is also a very trying time on the body, mind and soul. It causes you to change as a person and your relationships with other people change as well. You are never again the person you used to be. Designer jeans are traded in for comfortable sweat pants. The freedom to just go out whenever you want is replaced with tending a sick child who only wants to be cuddled and soothed when you have plans to be somewhere else. The stress of wanting only the best for them and fearing you are not able to give them that is a constant part of your mind. It is a 24/7/365 commitment and let me tell you, it does not end when they reach adulthood. It just changes.  I remember my mother telling me, "it is the hardest, most grueling and under appreciated job in the world, but the most important tasks of life usually are this way". My mother had the right of it all those years ago and now I sit on the brink of a new chapter in my life, one I get to share with my daughter as she faces the challenges and rewards of being a mom. All I can hope for is that the lessons I have tried to instill in her have taken root and that I will see them bloom and flourish in the life of my grandson. I am a mother of three beautiful girls who are all but grown now and while they sometimes frustrate and stress me out to no end..I wouldn't change it for the world.
Namaste