Washing It Clean

Good day everyone! Today's quote was inspired by a feeling that settled over me like a cloak today as I was giving my grandson a bath for the very first time. It is amazing how such a simple chore such as that has the power to completely swell the heart when one takes notice of the joy of the moment. 

Today's Quote: "There is one armor that the world of men and women, as a world, has never yet put on.  The churches have long bungled with its fastenings, but the world has gone unfended, and few have been those in whose hands the mystical sword of the spirit has shone with daily use.  This armor, waiting to be worn, is the armor of brotherhood and sacrifice, the world of unselfishness, a conquering sword, with the power, where used, to unite the world in love.  And there are none who may not put it on."  ~M.A. DeWolfe Howe

I felt so at peace, even amongst the tiny little screeching lungs of my grandson, while I gave him his bath today. I was so happy to just have the opportunity to love him so much, to tend to such a simple task that helps to keep him healthy and just to be someone he is already, in his 3 days of life, beginning to recognize as someone who does love him and see's to his needs, someone he is safe with. I thought to myself how wonderful the world could really be if everyone would do as I was doing in that moment, enjoying such a simple pleasure and not letting the negative, such as his crying, outweigh the positive of the experience. I was bathing him not for myself but for him and his mom and dad, to help them out because I could, because I wanted to, because I was honored to.  It was a purely unselfish act carried out with such love and peace within me and the moment was so beautiful and magical that I just wanted every person in the world to have that in their lives the way I was having it in mine. I have not always been so giving, have not always been so affected by such simple things but none of that matters. Anyone, at any given point in time, can make the choice to be happy, to love deeply and share that love with everyone they meet, to take the moments like the one I had today and let it feed their soul. If instead of people hurting others for profit, revenge,  pride (or any of the other multitude of reasons why the human race can't just all get along) they were to embrace each other, celebrate the differences, the things we can all learn from one another to enrich our lives,  there would be such bliss amongst mankind. If everyone could just hold on to those moments of peace, like what I felt today, and chase after those feelings with as much vigor as they chase after their hatred, rage and feelings of negativity, this thing we call life would be so magical for everyone, not just some people. I hope everyone can have their moments of utter bliss and recognize them for what they are. We are truly blessed when we are able to get past everything else to savor the finer things in life.

Namaste

Christmas Treasures

Hello everyone! It has been a very emotional last few days. My daughter was induced on the the 22nd and at 3:13pm Christmas Day, I was blessed with the best gift one could possible ask for...my grandson! It has been a season of blessings, family and gratitude and so today's quote is a reflection of that. 

Today's quote: "We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures."  ~Thornton Wilder


I cannot believe my grandson is finally here! It seems almost surreal. Perhaps it is because he has yet to leave the hospital and come home. Perhaps it is because I just cannot believe I was lucky enough to receive such a treasure. I know that for myself, the giving of a new life, being there to be a part of it all, has a profound effect on how I view everything around me which was only magnified by watching my grandson come into this world. I went running down the halls, tears streaming my face, my heart full to near bursting to tell my awaiting loved ones that FINALLY, after almost 3 days of sitting on pins and needles, he was here. I believe those were my actual words...he's here. Even now, it brings tears to my eyes just to replay his birth and the time since in my mind. I am extremely grateful to the Gods and to my beautiful daughter and her boyfriend for making it possible for me to be feeling so incredibly blessed. I am so very proud of them all. My daughter, for her strength and courage, her boyfriend for sticking with her even when she got grumpy and my beautiful grandson Nesa for staying strong and changing all of our lives with his presence. There are really no words to express the depth of the emotions. I can say that I am truly alive in these moments, for I have more than recognized all the treasures I have been granted in my life. I hope that all of you reading this can stop and become aware of all the blessings you have been given and appreciate them all for the miracles they are. Life is as good as we want it to be, as precious and glorious as we allow it to be. Realize your treasures and LIVE to the fullest potential of your entire being because of them.
Namaste

A Yule Miracle

Merry Meet and Blessed Yule! I have had an emotional rollercoaster of a day but in the end, it was as it was meant to be. I found out today that my daughter will be induced on Friday morning, which means that I will have a brand new grandson this solstice! I have so many emotions running through me that it is hard for me to concentrate, so when I read the quote I have chosen for today and felt a little weepy over it, I knew it was the right quote at the right time. I knew, just like the arrival of my miracle grandson, that it was just meant to be.

Today's quote: "Soon I will be an old, white-haired lady, into whose lap someone places a baby, saying "Smile Grandma!" - I, who myself so recently was photographed on my grandmother's lap." Liv Ullmann

I chose this quote because it is completely relates to my life today. I have a picture of myself on my fourth birthday, sitting on my grandmother's lap with the doll she had gifted me in tow. That picture is full of memories for me, especially since I lost her 7 years after that birthday. I remember looking at that picture when it was housed in my mother's photo album and my mother saying to me "do you remember what you said to Grandma when that picture was taken?" I replied that I didn't and she told me that I had sat on my grandmother's knee and said to her, "Grandma, will you still love me now that I'm four?" My mother told me that it took everything in their power not to burst out in laughter at the seriousness with which I had asked the question. I can imagine it was a priceless moment for them, just as the memory of it still is for me thirty years later. Now, only a couple days away from being blessed with MY first grandchild, I am anxiously awaiting all the moments like that that him and I will create together. For those of you who do not know the backstory, my daughter was scheduled to have gynecological surgery a week after she found out she was pregnant. That surgery had the probability of making it extremely difficult, if not impossible, for her to have a child. The news was a miracle to us and I know that I believe, with all my heart, that the Gods were smiling down on us. Now, with her going in for an induction just one day after Yule, I find myself thinking about the symbolism of the miracle grandson coming at a time when my belief is celebrating the birth of the Sun King. I know, without a doubt, that he is going to do wonderful things in life. He has been placed in our hands and hearts against all odds because he has an important purpose in this world. I can feel the truth of this with all my being. I cannot even express how completely blessed I am feeling at this moment. Tomorrow night, while I celebrate Yule, I will be making sure that I bestow my gratitude for the gift I am being granted in the form of my grandson, as well as the precious gifts I have already been given in the forms of my children, husband and the numerous other family members and friends that I have in my life. This is what utter and complete happiness feels like. I wish you all a very Blessed Yule/Merry Christmas/Season's Greetings/ Happy Kwanza, Joyful Hanukkah and any other celebration you may take part in this holiday season. May your lives be enriched with love and peace.

Namaste

Random Acts of Kindness

Merry Meet! I hope you have all enjoyed your weekend. Mine was spent getting the last of the Yule/Christmas preparations completed before the holidays next week. It is going to be a very busy few days! I have to admit, today's quote was inspired by a story I read about numerous good Samaritans paying off layaway accounts for family's struggling to make the payments. I was deeply touched by the random acts of kindness these people showed to their fellow man and so I wanted to pay that forward in my own little way by sharing a quote that I find particularly inspiring, especially when I am struggling to remember why I am doing things for other people.

Today's quote: "Give cheerfully and freely. It is the energy behind the giving that matters so do not give grudgingly. The law of cause and effect guarantees that you shall receive plenty for what you give."David Cameron Gikandi

I have to own that I sometimes have a very bad habit of doing things for people, especially family,  because I feel obligated to do so. I have a tendency to look upon these "favors" as something I have to do, instead of something I want to do. I am sure I am not the only person on the planet who feels this way at one time or another. An example of this would be that I sometimes do things for my father because I feel it is my duty as his daughter, because he has done so much for me. This is not a productive line of thought and is in fact in direct contrast with what my quote states. I am working very hard to correct this character flaw in myself but sometimes it is like pulling teeth to me. I sometimes feel it is easier to do something grudgingly rather than saying "no" to someone who has asked me to help them because then I always feel guilty or feel that they will think I am selfish. In my mind, this is unacceptable because what the people I am around think of me as a person is incredibly important to me. I want to be loved, needed and generally liked. I want to be the person they know will help them if they need me to.  In my mind, saying "no" to someone who has asked something of me will give them an automatic negative view of my character. I know that it is really not this way, that people realize that perhaps I just don't have the time or the answers or whatever it is they may require from me, but it feels this way to me.  This habitual reaction is really doing more harm than good because if the behavior continues, I am going to be known as the person who will help others, but will feel "put out" to do so. This is NOT what I want people to say about my character. I want to be known as someone who gives freely to others, who is always there to lend a helping hand, who loves everyone, judges no one and who can be confided in and trusted. If you give of yourself to others because you feel you have to, the energy of that also transfers with the deed and it creates a type of pollution within the intent. Those you are doing the deed for can feel  that you are only doing it because you feel like you have to and it makes them feel horrible for having asked it of you. This is not what helping and giving means by any definition. It is not suppose to make either the giver or the receiver feel badly about the exchange and that is exactly what happens if you are not giving of yourself purely because you desire to do so, because you want to. Along this same line of thinking comes the topic of giving with the expectation of getting something back. It is no good if you expect something other than to feel good about being able to help someone out. Gifts, no matter if they are purchased or just a piece of your time, are suppose to be just that, gifts. The definition of a gift, according to freedictionary.com is something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation. Expecting something in return because you gave something, is not giving a gift.  I encourage you all to look at your motives the next time you decide to gift someone in some way, shape or form. Are you doing it for the right reasons? Are you both going to feel good about it before, during and afterwards? This is the season of giving and it doesn't have to cost anything in a monetary context to be able to reap the emotional and spiritual benefits that giving to others can provide. This reminder is MY gift to all of you just as surely as the story which inspired me to write this blog in the first place was a reminder, a gift, given to me.
Namaste, be blessed.

Music To My Ears

I know this blog is showing itself kind of late in the day but I just wasn't quite ready to write earlier. I have finally had that light bulb go on that told me I had the perfect topic to offer up for my perceptions of the moment and so now I will share them with you.

Today's quote: " I was irrevocably betrothed to laughter, the sound of which has always seemed to me to be the most civilized music in the world." Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)

I have had a pretty fantastic day. I have spent a lot of it laughing at the numerous people, influences and situations that have crossed my path. Today was just a good day to laugh and it felt really liberating to be able to let go of the stress that so often overtakes my life.
It all started when I was playing status tag on a networking site with my best friend in the entire world. Now, there is a woman who knows how to laugh! She has one of the best laughs I have ever heard and it actually comes in two parts. First there is the "Betty Rubble" giggle, which shows itself on a fairly regular basis as she seems to be able to find humor in almost anything! Then there is her "belly laugh", which is just what it sounds like. It comes straight from her belly, loud and booming, her mirth radiating out of her and effecting everyone around her. It is completely contagious and there is not a person, I don't think, who could refrain from sharing in her joy when she let's that one go. She is one of the few people in the world who can make me laugh so ridiculously hard that I actually burst into tears, my emotional floodgate being smashed to pieces by whatever incident has caused the laugh fest to begin. I have known her for 27 years and there are a million stories to be told and relived where this was the outcome of my time spent with her. After that, I started my quote hunt for this blog and I came across so many funny quotes that just had me in stitches. My daughter actually asked me if I was drunk because I was laughing so hard at what I was reading! Then her and I started in on a conversation where we once again, started laughing and joking around. Making dinner with my other two children loaned itself to still more silliness and laughter and then after dinner, a  little playing and teasing with my husband had us both giggling away like little school girls. Indeed, today has been a day to laugh and the ability to do so and the sheer sounds of it filling my home was a symphony to my ears. I can think of no better sound in the world. Whether it is the adorable first laugh of a baby, the toddler chasing the dog and laughing at the experience, friends laughing together or lovers sharing a funny memory to the sound of it, there is no such thing as laughing out of key and every note is beautiful and moving. I wish you all merriment and joy today and always. May your own personal magnum opus fill your hearts and homes.
Namaste

Beautiful

Good morning all. I must confess, I woke up this morning feeling a little mushy and so today's quote is a reflection of that. I don't know if it was just a beautiful morning, or if the energy of the season is taking me in it's grasp but regardless of the why, I know the how and that is what is most important to me.

Today's Quote: "I am so glad that you are here... It helps me realize how beautiful my world is." Goethe

As I stated earlier, I am not sure what has made me contemplate such things today but I find myself looking at the people in my life, the many roles they each play and just how those roles affect my world. There are some, of course, that are not the most pleasant to have to deal with at times but for the most part, the people I have chosen to surround myself with all add to my existence in some way, shape or form. There is my husband, whose love for me gives me strength and courage to be able to overcome any obstacle that may cross my path. His unshakable faith in me and my abilities to grow and become all that I desire are a constant beacon when I feel that I have lost my way. My children also have added to my life in more ways than I could possibly ever count. Sometimes, the role of being a parent can be exhausting and frustrating, but the unconditional love, the growth and learning together...those are experiences that I would never trade for anything in the world. There is my extended family; my dad and siblings, nieces, nephews and cousins, whose influence and support has helped to mold me into the person I am today and for which I will always be eternally grateful. There are the numerous friends and family that I have claimed as my own just because they are special people and lighten my heart when I think of them. So many wonderful people have come into my life and as the quote states, I am so glad you are all here making my world beautiful.
Namaste 

The Warmth of Winter

Good morning all! Today's quote is inspired by all this beautiful powdery white stuff we see on the ground right now! I know that some of you are despising it's presence but hopefully I can give you a new perspective on it's charms. 

Today's quote:  There is a privacy about it which no other season gives you.... In spring, summer and fall people sort of have an open season on each other; only in the winter, in the country, can you have longer, quiet stretches when you can savor belonging to yourself.  ~Ruth Stout

I am a winter baby. I was born in February and from what I have been told, it was a pretty cold day. Perhaps that is why I look forward to this season all year long to the dismay of most of the people around me. It seems that those who appreciate the cold, dark solitude of the season are few and far between. Most see the winter as a time of biting cold and icy roads, letting those downsides completely spoil all the beauty and wonder that winter has to offer. The ethereal  blanket of white that shrouds everything around us from the tree tops to the ground, sparkling like a million perfect diamonds under the light of the Sun and Moon is one of the most majestic sights I have ever seen. It is while enjoying this view, especially at night when the temperature drop has everyone hiding behind their heavy doors, that I seem to have some of the most profound thoughts. In the silence of the night I wrap myself in a blanket and venture out onto the step where I look, listen and learn so very much about myself and how I relate to the world around me. There is no one to distract me from these thoughts and the brisk air clears the mind in a natural manner that puts forced meditation practices to shame. Winter can be a time of solitude due to the constraints the weather puts on our activities and it is in those moments when we have the opportunity to really get in touch with the people we are on the inside as well as getting back to the basics of what family is. I love a snow-day when the roads are bad enough that no one is driving anywhere, the schools are closed and everyone is tucked away in the safety and warmth of the home, enjoying a hot cup of tea or cocoa together. There is nothing in this world quite as healing as time spent with loved ones, doing the things that our busy schedules rarely allow and I cherish the winter for the moments like this that it provides. I wish you all a blessed  and safe winter season and I hope I have been able to give you a reason to enjoy it as much as I do. It truly is a magical time of year!
Namaste

The Darker Side of Dreamscape

Good morning everyone. My husband and I were discussing this blog the other day and he had asked me why I was only writing the positive things that were relating to me. He wanted to know why I wasn't also writing about the harder things in life. I suppose the reason for this is because I had wanted to change the format of the blog to something that would inspire, give strength and help people to see a light through their own darker times. It occurs to me though that I cannot truly do that if I am not writing about my own, using quotes that pertain to those areas just as surely as I am writing about the ones that give me a new perspective. I had a somewhat troubling Saturday night and the unease of it still settles within me today and so the quote I have chosen is about how sometimes we do feel these darker emotions and struggle with them. After all, life is a balance of the positive and negative and so too, should my blog be. So without further fan fare, here is today's quote.
" I drag myself out of nightmares each morning and find there's no relief in waking. Something in my expression stops him. Better not give in to it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself together as it does to fall apart.” Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay
This quote, although I do not wake each morning with nightmares, still speaks to me on the occasions that I do. We can all be haunted by the images that plague our dreaming minds. For some of us, the dreams start to fade as soon as we wipe the cobwebs from our eyes. We are able to wake and shake them off as nothing more than an over-active imagination or the result of some horror film we watched before we went to bed. Others of us have reoccurring nightmares that chill us to the bone and take days before they finally start to release the hold they have on our minds. Theses dreams are sometimes not so much a psyche by-product as they are actual memories of trauma's we have suffered in our lives. When this is the case,  the influence they have on us upon waking can alter our perceptions to such a degree that for a time, we are stuck right back in those moments. We become frightened or desperate, whatever the situation that we are reliving calls for us to be. Reactions to outside stimuli; such as the people we are around, the circumstances we find ourselves in, even the environment around us, can become completely out of character for us. Perhaps someone who loves animals would have a hard time being around them for a couple days if the trauma they had just relived in the dreaming realm had something to do with a vicious dog attack.  Likewise, someone who was raped may find it incredibly difficult to be around a certain gender of person until the nightmare of the occurrence has loosened it's grip. It can take but a moment in our sleeping minds to shatter us, but it can take days to put those nightmare-effected pieces back together again. Everyone has nightmares and no one is exempt for it is all a part of how our minds process information. For those whose nightmares are really more like bad memories, I share in your suffering and know the struggles such traumas can have on our daily lives long after the haze of dreamscape has left us. It is not easy to have to live with such things but it is possible if you make the choice to be a survivor instead of a victim. I wish you all strength as you fight your personal demons, in dreamland and in reality. May your healing be swift and your mind be strong.
Namaste

The Continuance of the Generations

Good morning and Merry Meet everyone! I have had so much going on recently that I have just not had the time to sit and write and for that I apologize. The holidays are only a couple weeks away and as you may or may not be aware, I am expecting my first grandchild any time now. I am constantly on pins and needles, waiting to hear the words" Mom, I think I'm in labor"! It won't be long now. So with a host of emotions filtering through my mind at the moment, I have decided to choose a quote on this life altering experience.

Today's Quote: "Because they've either conveniently forgotten with time or they're trying to be supportive, most mothers won't tell you how hard pregnancy (and then childbirth) can be. Let me tell you, it is. It's brutal sometimes! But, if I did it, ANYONE can do it. I mean, I always knew I was meant to do something really BIG in life, and now I know that this was it. Screw winning an Academy Award someday....I GAVE BIRTH!" Jenny McCarthy, Belly Laughs


When I read this quote I can't help but smile at it because it reminds me so much of when I was expecting my first child. I was very young and so I remember asking my mother all sorts of things! I mean let's face it, who would be better to ask than the woman who brought you into this world?  She would look at me with such patience, her eyes would light up and a smile would cross her face.  Now I understand what that look really means. It's the look that says " I am so proud of you.  I am honored that you are coming to me with your questions and grateful that I have the answers you need." As a parent to an adult child, it can, at times, feel like our time to influence them has come to pass. When the opportunity to once again be their fountains of knowledge presents itself, we can't help but feel that sense of wonder at it all. Now, when my daughter comes to me with her legion of inquiries, I find myself giving her that same bright-eyed smiling look. I answer all her questions and just like my mother never lied to me about all the ups and downs of pregnancy, birth and everything that is to come afterward, I try my best to be as forthcoming with her. Creating life and being the one to bring it into this world is a beautiful, magical experience full of joy and wonder, but it is also a very trying time on the body, mind and soul. It causes you to change as a person and your relationships with other people change as well. You are never again the person you used to be. Designer jeans are traded in for comfortable sweat pants. The freedom to just go out whenever you want is replaced with tending a sick child who only wants to be cuddled and soothed when you have plans to be somewhere else. The stress of wanting only the best for them and fearing you are not able to give them that is a constant part of your mind. It is a 24/7/365 commitment and let me tell you, it does not end when they reach adulthood. It just changes.  I remember my mother telling me, "it is the hardest, most grueling and under appreciated job in the world, but the most important tasks of life usually are this way". My mother had the right of it all those years ago and now I sit on the brink of a new chapter in my life, one I get to share with my daughter as she faces the challenges and rewards of being a mom. All I can hope for is that the lessons I have tried to instill in her have taken root and that I will see them bloom and flourish in the life of my grandson. I am a mother of three beautiful girls who are all but grown now and while they sometimes frustrate and stress me out to no end..I wouldn't change it for the world.
Namaste

Choosing to Forgive

Good morning everyone! Today's quote comes from one of the most thought provoking books I have ever had  the pleasure of reading, "Shantaram" by Gregory David Roberts. Although it was a struggle to choose just one, it was also incredibly rewarding to be able to go back and read some of the lines and paragraphs that had touched me so deeply. I think it is time for me to re-read this story again! I would highly recommend it to any and all who love to be inspired.
" It took me a long time and most of the world to learn what I know about love and fate and the choices we make, but the heart of it came to me in an instant, while I was chained to a wall and being tortured. I realized, somehow, through the screaming in my mind, that even in that shackled, bloody helplessness, I was still free: free to hate the men who were torturing me, or to forgive them. It doesn't sound like much, I know. But in the flinch and bite of the chain, when its all you have got, that freedom is a universe of possibility. And the choice you make, between hating and forgiving, can become the story of your life." Gregory David Roberts - Shantaram

I know that the topic of choices has been somewhat of a running theme as of late, but I think that it is important enough to explore as often as needed so that any who should require the little pieces of wisdom I try to include in these writings has the opportunity to read and understand them in a context that relates to their personal struggles or successes.This topic in particular is about making the choice to forgive. 
Although it may be violent, I love the visual I get reading this passage. A man chained to a wall, being tortured, his body is covered in blood and wounds; a physical representation of the malice of his captors. By all logic, he should feel trapped and helpless, broken and in despair, yet he has discovered a secret power that lay within him. The power to make a choice. I am sure the men torturing him think they have the upper hand in this situation, that he is nothing more to them than a victim of their brutality. I am positive that they believe themselves to be superior in all ways as he is chained to a wall and subjected to their cruelty. However, it is a false illusion. While they do their worst to shatter his body, his mind is finding strength in the freedom of a choice. He refuses to let them harm his soul and so he makes the conscious decision, even through the haze of rage and pain, to forgive them for what they are doing to him. That is an incredibly powerful moment. To be able to forgive someone of something so heinous is liberating in a way that simply removing the chains that bind him can never compare to. He has freed his very being by not allowing his core to become stained with the violent and hurtful deeds of others. Had his captors known the power he wielded, I am sure they would have found even more painful ways to try and shatter him. If someone in this position can find it within himself to forgive, then why can't those whose lives have been relatively unblemished do the same, even if it is themselves they have to forgive? What is the purpose in making the choice to stay angry, to continue to allow an act of hurt to take away from your own happiness? There is no point in holding onto that type of negative energy. It will just eat away at the soul and taint everything good that life has to offer. What's done is done and time cannot be turned back to take a different path. Forgiveness is not easy but it is a freedom unlike any other because we no longer carry the weight of the deed on our shoulders. Make the choice to live your life in happiness, the choice to love and be loved, the choice to grow and change, to be nurtured and influenced by all the beauty that surrounds us. Make the choice to forgive others and to forgive yourself, so that you may live your life to its fullest potential, so that you may be free.
Namaste

Walking the Tightrope

Good morning everyone, I hope you all enjoyed your weekend! We are getting very close to the holiday season and the stresses of it can, at times, unbalance us. The quote for today was chosen with exactly that in mind.

"We can be sure that the greatest hope for maintaining equilibrium in the face of any situation rests within ourselves". Fracis J. Braceland 
How many times have you wanted to pull out your hair, have a stiff drink or even a cigarette when faced with stressful situation? I know that I have been in that predicament numerous times myself. I was letting things that I couldn't control, effect the way I was reacting. As my husband so cleverly stated, I have a reactive personality by nature and because of that,  I need to take charge of those reactions instead of just letting circumstances, people and their choices, effect me. It is easier said than done. My reactions are now somewhat habitual. They are definitely comfortable and the norm for me and so stepping outside of that sphere can be very difficult, but it is worth it. Just like I can't control the weather, there are a lot of other things I can't control either. I can't control how the woman in the check out line is arguing with the cashier, making it take much longer for me to get out of the store. All I can do is choose a new line up to enter into. I can't control how some people drive with careless abandon, making unsafe decisions, other than to be watchful that their choices don't cause me to have an accident. I can't control how the holidays sometime bring out the Grinch's of the season other than to wish those people joy and love. I definitely can't control the circumstances that have molded others into the people they have become but I can choose how I react to them all. This is the realm of inner balance that this quote is talking about. This is that magical place inside each of us that finds calm within our own personal storms, that has a clear perspective of everything we are facing and allows us to make calculated decisions about how to proceed. This is the place unaffected by the actions, choices and opinions of others unless we decide to become affected by them. If we are balanced here, then we can become balanced everywhere, no matter what life is throwing at us. I hope that everyone can keep this truth in mind the next time they are faced with a stressful situation. It really is our choice how we react to any given circumstance. 
Namaste, walk in balance.

Un-dying Love

Good morning everyone. While searching for just the right quote to share and discuss with all you fine people, I came across this little story. It touched me deeply and I wanted to share it with you today.

An eight-year-old boy had a younger sister who was dying of leukemia, and he was told that without a blood transfusion she would die. His parents explained to him that his blood was probably compatible with hers, and if so, he could be the blood doner. They asked him if they could test his blood. He said sure. So they did and it was a good match. Then they asked if he would give his sister a pint of blood, that it could be her only chance of living. He said he would have to think about it overnight.

The next day he went to his parents and said he was willing to donate the blood. So they took him to the hospital where he was put on a gurney beside his six-year-old sister. Both of them were hooked up to IVs. A nurse withdrew a pint of blood from the boy, which was then put in the girl's IV. The boy lay on his gurney in silence while the blood dripped into his sister, until the doctor came over to see how he was doing. Then the boy opened his eyes and asked, "How soon until I start to die?"Jack Kornfield

I do not know if this event actually happened or if it is a part of a story meant to teach some lessons on giving without the expectation of receiving. What I do know, is that it has struck a chord with me. I remember when I was  not much older than the boy in the story, having a conversation similar to this with my younger brother who was about 7 at the time. The discussion happened after we watched a  made-for-TV movie about a set of twins. In the movie, one of the twins was really sick and needed a kidney transplant.  I asked him "If I needed your blood, would you give it to me?" He said that he would. I then asked him "What if I needed a kidney?" to which he flat out replied "No". I asked him why he would be willing to give me his blood and not his kidney and he answered that it was because his body would always make more blood but that he couldn't just grow another kidney. He said " I was born with two because I need two. It is not a spare part". To this day I don't really know if he was kidding or not back then, but I do know that if I ever needed it today, my brother would be more than willing to give anything he could to save my life, including giving his own. 

In the story, the little boy, a mere 8 years old, was expecting to do just that. He thought that by donating his blood to his sister, he was sacrificing his own life. He had accepted his own death just as he had accepted that it was his blood that was going to allow her to live. He wasn't afraid. His love for his sister and his desire for her to live outweighed any reservations he had, any thoughts that could have been percolating in his young but determined mind. This story is a reminder to me of the power of love. Usually, when people think of undying love, they automatically associate it with the romantic kind. It was a nice change to read something that was talking about the love between siblings and how that too, can be just as fierce and loyal. I hope this story has inspired you and maybe even been that gentle reminder to tell your siblings how much they mean to you. My brothers and sisters, I love you all. 

Namaste

True Wealth

Good day everyone! It seems I don't currently have the time to write everyday and for that I apologize. With the holiday's quickly approaching I thought it might be a good idea for us to do some quotes pertaining to gratitude, family and the season. I hope you enjoy!
Today's quote:" Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow" Aesop 

I have chosen this quote as it is a topic which disturbs me quite a bit in this spoiled generation in which we live, especially at this time of year. When was the last time you took stock of your life and truly appreciated what you have been blessed with?  When was the last time you can remember never wanting something more than what you already have? What is and is not truly important to you? These are some of the questions I am asking of myself today to make sure that I am being grateful for all that I have. Would I like to have a new microwave or a bigger house, maybe more money in the bank account? Absolutely. Who wouldn't? But do I necessarily need those things? Not one bit. I would rather have a delicious dinner with my family, under the roof we all share,  where everyone enjoyed the company of everyone else and was just happy and content to be in that moment.  I would much rather have a heart  that is bursting with love and happiness than a full bank account any day of the week. There is too much pressure put on this society to acquire more than we actually need as a sign of success and power. Unfortunately, that means that all too often the things that really matter, like family, love, happiness and the beauty that surrounds us every moment of every day, are sacrificed for that way of life. We are so absorbed in seeking what we are told is the grand prize to realize that without appreciating the smaller things in life and the people who are there to constantly love and support us, that  the ultimate prize we have envisioned for ourselves will seem hollow. I invite you all this holiday season to remember why the holidays are so special. It is not for the gifts we will give or receive, but the people and the moments of joy and companionship we will share together.
Namaste, be blessed.

Worry Wart

Merry Meet! Although I have been struggling these last couple days with the task of writing, this quote caught my attention and seemed to fairly scream "do me! do me!"..lol. So with no further adieu..here is today's quote.

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” Dalai Lama XIV


I am, admittedly, a constant worrier and sometimes need these gentle reminders to just..let it go. I have stayed up all night many times trying to figure out ways to solve issues in my life and face challenges that may be on my horizon. My husband tells me" what can you accomplish at 2 am when everything is closed and everyone is asleep" and my reply is always that I can think, get a plan in motion inside of my head so that when the time comes I am ready to act. Of course, it never gets me anything except bags under my eyes from lack of sleep because I don't know for certainty how it is all going to play out because it is not currently in motion. While all the world is asleep, so too is whatever the event that has caused me to worry. I think the key to it all is learning to trust. If I can trust in my abilities, trust in others to help where it is needed, trust that everything will be as it NEEDS to be, that there is ALWAYS a solution to every problem that may arise, then there really is no need to worry at all. If I am capable of doing something to change the outcome, then I can take those steps to do so and feel productive and a sense of satisfaction when the problem is then rectified. But since I sometimes can't control what happens, can't control the lessons we each need to learn and the circumstances that herald such knowledge, then what purpose does my worry serve? None. It just drains the energy that I could be spending in a more positive and productive way. I ask you all, try not to worry so much in your lives and try to remember that it is full of possibilities for each and every one of us. As Meryl Streep so cleverly stated in the movie Dark Matter, "Worry is interest paid on trouble that hasn't happened yet".
Namaste, be blessed.

Gotta Have Faith

Good day all. I have been away dealing with an injury so I hope you will all understand my delay in writing.I have struggled with just the right quote to cover what is uppermost in my mind today but I have come up with this one..."Faith consists in believing when it is beyond the power of reason to believe. " Voltaire

What is it to truly have faith in something, to believe, without a doubt, of it's existence? Now, I am not strictly talking about a religious faith here, I am speaking about faith in all it's guises. Do you have faith in yourself? Your family? Do you have faith in the future or in your ability to overcome anything that crosses your path?  I know I do. I know that I have a purpose and that the Universe will see to all my needs. I know that I will do what I was born to do, carry the burdens I was created to shoulder and be all that I need to be to everyone I need to be it to. I have faith that I am an important part of a bigger picture. I have faith in humanity, knowing that sooner or later we will all get it right and I have faith that my life will be blessed, repeatedly, as it has already been. All these things, I cannot see, or touch, not at this moment anyway, but I believe, with my entire being, that these things are a certainty. Just as I know the sun will rise and set, that the seasons will change and that the tides will turn, I know these things too, are a part of my reality. Having faith gives our lives a sense of enchantment, of possibilities and hope. It is fuels our souls and gives our existence meaning beyond what can readily be experienced in this moment. I pray that everyone can find some faith in some one or something and let it guide you towards a future of bliss.
Namaste

In Our Own Hands

I hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday..today's quote: "All of life is a journey; which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look forward to is up to us. We determine our destination, what kind of road we will take to get there, and how happy we are when we get there." Patrick Whiteside "The Little Book of Happiness"

There are so many people in this world who have the misfortune of thinking that they have no power or control over their lives. They allow life to lead them where it will, content in being pulled along by it's currents on a trajectory to an unknown destination. Whether it is because of age, sex, religion, race or circumstance, too many people forget that it is THEIR lives, that THEY are in control and that THEY have the power to alter their circumstances, their perceptions, their course and their attitudes towards a destination of THEIR choosing. Now, I am not saying that it will be easy, in fact I think it is probably one of the most difficult things a person will ever do. The first step in the process is the realization that you are not where you want to be. Perhaps you don't enjoy your job and have always pictured yourself doing something else for a living. Maybe you are not happy with the place you live and have always wanted to pick up and start again somewhere new. These alterations to your way of life can be as simple as deciding you will no longer eat a certain way to as complex as changing the very person you are by removing the things in your life that you feel are holding you back. Once you have realized these things, then the time comes to make a plan to actually change them. This is where your determination will come in to play. How badly do you want it? What are you willing to sacrifice to get it? What obstacles will you have to overcome to achieve it? You will have to make sure that you are willing to put in the work, endure whatever hardships may come because of it and push past them to obtain it. You have to be focused on that goal by not letting anyone or anything deter you from reaching it but you also have to be grateful, acknowledging the people and situations that have helped you along the way. Life is always a better place when you have people to share it with. There is no glory in alienating those who have loved and supported you, only regret and sorrow, which too, can be changed. We can all be anything we want to be, have whatever life we want to have and reach for the stars. It is within OUR power to do so. I wish you all the strength and courage to reach for your dreams and to live them out in happiness.
Namaste

Breaking the Pain Barrier

Good Morning everyone, today's quote: "Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding." Khalil Gibran

I am almost positive that this quote has more to do with emotional and mental pain however this could pertain to physical pain as well. If one were to break their arm climbing a tree for example, they would then understand the dangers of climbing a tree. The repercussions of choices made and the pain those choices can cause us and other people, are swathed in lessons just waiting for our acknowledgement. A broken heart for instance, can teach us to to be more careful about who we give our emotional selves to and to what extent we allow them to get to know us. Although these things are painful to have to go through, and I do not wish pain on anyone, the things pain can teach us about ourselves and those around us are invaluable lessons. We learn through pain what we are capable of, how far we can go before it's too much, how much we are able to endure and what we can overcome. We learn to listen to our bodies when pain signals that we may be injured or ill and we learn to listen to our instincts by learning who we can trust and what the face of malice may look like when we have been the target of those wishing us harm.  There is an abundance of knowledge to be gained by the events in our lives that because of the pain they cause, most people would look at as unfortunate or cruel. I invite you all, the next time you are suffering from any sort of pain, to look within and see what it is teaching you at that moment. Perhaps by threading it in silver lining, the more positive aspects can replace some of the impact the damage has caused with a sense of understanding and peace.
Namaste, I wish you all peace and a wealth of blessings this day.

Taking a risk

Good morning one and all. Today's quote is by one of my all-time favorite authors, Anais Nin.  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom".

I am sure that everyone has had those moments in their lives where they had to take a risk in order to gain something positive in their lives. I know that I have sat at those crossroads many times myself, afraid to make the necessary changes that will improve my situation, yet loathe to let the circumstances remain as they are. It is never an easy fence to be sitting on and can sometimes actually do more harm than good to us when we are indecisive about what we want for ourselves and our lives. While we wait for our courage to build or the moment to be perfect, we can become complacent with the way things are. Complacency can lead us down the road of self-deterioration because we are no longer taking stock of our lives, goals, dreams or ambitions. We begin to settle and claim that this is just our lot in life, that nothing can or will improve and we begin to make excuses for ourselves and our choices. These actions are the product of our fear. All the "what if I fail" scenarios coming to the forefront of our minds. We become overwhelmed and frightened, hesitant to make that leap from the fence to the changes that await us. This limbo can be more detrimental to our well beings than any cost we may have to endure to change. When we make the conscious decision to go into an unknown territory or direction in our lives, we open ourselves up to a whole new world of experiences. We have the opportunity to learn and grow, to become more of the person we always envision ourselves to be and less of that frightened person who used to stare back at us in the mirror. We can expand our minds, renew our beliefs and fill the empty spaces within us that at one time felt all consuming and unchangeable. Our perceptions and attitudes on life can change and we can become enhanced in all areas of our existence. Personally, I think the pro's outweigh the con's tenfold and hopefully, this will give you something to ponder at the very least when you're calculating your own choices and thinking about the changes you want to make to better your life and situation.
Namaste 

Honesty

Good day everyone. Today's blog is dedicated to Howard, a man who has inspired me with his simple act of honesty.

Today's quote: "A lie will easily get you out of a scrape, and yet, strangely and beautifully, rapture possesses you when you have taken the scrape and left out the lie." Charles Edward Montague, Disenchantment

There is no doubt about it, being honest can be one of the hardest things a person ever does. There are consequences to it, for taking that responsibility and claiming that truth. Such is the reason so many people go about their lives trying to avoid it. It can have harsh penalties; the loss of a relationship, position or enterprise or perhaps hurting someone you love or respect. Often times those we are honest with react as if we have betrayed them, when in fact our ability to be honest with them has actually solidified their importance to us. Yes, honesty is a double edged sword sometimes and some might wonder why we tell the truth at all. Lying can be so much easier on us. It can make us seem more important, make others think we are more valuable to them and mask the things that can hurt. It can get us out of trouble and get us the things we think we want and need out of life. But even the best liars in the world cannot stop the inevitability of those lies being found out and when that happens, the damage done by the act is so much worse than it would have been if we had just simply told the truth. Lying diminishes us as human beings. It belittles not only ourselves but those we have lied to. It disrespects the foundations of our relationships and causes mistrust. It falsifies our character and dirties our very souls. It hurts those we love and changes their perceptions of not only the person who has lied to them, but every other human being on the planet as well, causing a riff in humanity. Lying is a poison to our entire species, causing illness to the mind, heart and soul of everyone. It takes courage to stand up and take responsibility, especially knowing that there will be consequences to our actions. When we are honest with ourselves and those around us, we are defining our characters, showing our intelligence and honoring each other.  I would much rather be someone that people can trust and look up to than someone who ends up all alone in this world because their motives are questionable and tainted. Who would you rather be? 

Namaste , may you forever be blessed

Appreciating The Positives & Negatives

Good day everyone, today's quote: "Every positive value has its price in negative terms... the genius of Einstein leads to Hiroshima. " Pablo Piccaso

This quote is all about maintaining balance and also, I think, how that balance is necessary for us to be able to determine the value of the world in which we inhabit. It is this balances that teaches us how to  appreciate, how to be grateful. For instance, without knowing the anger and feelings of hate, we would not be able to truly appreciate the value of love in our lives.  Without knowing pain, pleasure would not be that ultimate feeling we strive to recreate in the activities we do or the company we keep and without the experience of death, we would have no appreciation for life.  As the saying goes, there are two sides to every coin, a ying for every yang and the ever present vision of the scales balancing themselves which remind us that there is an opposite to everything and that those opposites are there to help us learn, grow and be grateful. Yes, life is all about the positives and negatives of our existence. How we choose to view those things is up to each one of us but I hope that everyone will take this lesson to heart the next time something unwanted comes into their lives. Just remember, it is there so that you can be grateful and appreciative when it's opposite blesses you.
Namaste...may you walk in balance.

A New Beginning

I have decided that I am going to use this space as a way for me to try and focus on the things I am grateful for, the goals I have and my hopes that everyone can benefit from my perspective. I will start each writing with a quote and then I will reach into the meanings of the quote, at least as it pertains to my life and see if maybe I can start a different train of thought for those who may be needing a little light shone into their darkness.

Today's quote: "Remember that today you can not only make a difference in your own life but in the life of others. Stay positive and true to yourself, you never know when you're making a memory" Unknown Author


This quote speaks to me about the little things in life. Those moments when we think no one is watching or listening to us, the little spans of time when we see someone who could use a hand, a hug or even just a smile. Sometimes, the smallest of gestures can make the biggest impact on someone's life and in those moments of giving, we receive gifts that nurture our own souls and enrich our own lives. It can take but a moment to change someone forever, to change ourselves forever and I think that we should all take those moments and let them enhance the people we already are. There is never a downside to becoming a better, healthier, more well adjusted and giving person. There is only an upside. When we choose to  want to love and care for people, to give back what we have been given and to share in our happiness, there is a greater sense of fulfillment and completeness that steals over us and gives us peace. It is a win/win situation. Love brings about love, happiness brings about happiness and peace brings about peace. this is the way of the universe as like is attracted to like. I hope everyone reading this can take this quote for the day and use it to find that sweet balance in their own lives. May you all be blessed and enriched today. 


Namaste

Balancing The Scales

Today has me thinking a lot about the balance of life and death. I am expecting my first grandson in January (December 22 if I have my way!!) and I am also facing the death of a loved one at the same time. It is funny how the scales seem to even out sometimes. One life given, another taken. I have noticed this often in my life. Death following birth, birth on the heels of grief to remind us all of how precious our time here really is and to soothe our aching souls some small measure. Life and death are all about balance it seems. The dark and the light. How is it we manage to smile at a funeral and cry at a birth for those who have passed on and cannot be here to experience these blessed events. Once again, the balance remains. I remember when I was pregnant with my first child and I had what I consider a delayed grief reaction and cried until I could cry no more. I was so overly emotional that my grandmother, whom, at that point in time had been gone for 5 years, was not going to be there to see me be a mother, to hold my baby in her arms and look down into her face with the pride and joy only a grandmother can show. I also remember when I delivered that child, hearing my grandmother's voice, telling me how beautiful she was and how proud I had made her. Maybe it was caused by exhaustion, maybe the medications they gave me, maybe it was just an emotional overload..but no matter the source what I heard comforted me, soothed my very soul. Now I am seeing the scales righting themselves once again in my life and it gives me peace to know that for every pain there is a balm. I will be heartbroken when I am finally faced with the loss that is to come but I will find solace in my grandson, in my belief that this life here is but one piece of an eternal whole and that those we miss and love are really just a thought, a heartbeat away from us. Blessed Be everyone.

Under The Weather

Today has been all about health. I took my daughter to see the doctor, against her wishes I might add (she was actually upset that I was making her miss school!!!) and then when I returned home, my 2 year old great-niece was here waiting for me to watch her and she seems to have come down with something. It had me thinking about the different ways people act or express themselves when not feeling quite up to par. I know that for myself, I switch between being grumpy when I am hurting to being a tad bit babyish when I am just feeling under the weather..lol. My husband tends to send himself to bed when he is ill, and stays there until he is feeling better, but when he is hurting or in pain he rarely says a word! All my girls act very differently when they are ill but they all tend to be very vocal when they are hurting, expecting Doctor Mom to cure all their ails. When sick, my oldest gets incredibly whinny, acting more like a 2 year old than a woman who is about to be a mother within the next few weeks! My middle child tends to get very irritable and this sense of entitlement seems to envelop her. My youngest, although a little whinny and a little cranky, tends to go to bed and sleep until she has overcome the majority of what she is suffering from. From my husband to my great-niece though, the one constant remains and that is they all look to me for comfort and care. I don't mind playing this role for them as long as I am not feeling under the weather myself. Then, sad to say, I usually end up getting a lot more ill because I have this really bad tendency to not take a sick day myself unless I can barely function..lol. My sister lovingly refers to it as my Martyr personality..lol. I hope that with flu season fast approaching that everyone takes whatever measures they can to keep themselves and their loved ones healthy and happy. Llet's face it, being sick is never any fun, no matter if you are 2 or 102. 

Changes

Sometimes the urge to change something about ourselves or our situation overcomes us and is so intense that all that truly matters in those maniacal moments is that we do something,anything different than we normally would have in order to perhaps change our perceptions about ourselves, our surroundings or our circumstances. These changes can be positive or negative, depending on what they are and why you have come to the conclusion that something has to give. Some people make changes to their personal style by changing their hair or buying new clothes,some people get a new car or decide to change residence. Some of us change our careers or our friends and relationships in life; realizing that we can no longer remain stagnant in our current relationships if we are to grow. There are so many different ways that people make the subtle and not so subtle adjustments that allow us to have new starts, new beginnings, new visions of our futures and what we would like, in those moments, to be apart of them. A negative change can result in heartache, loss, grief while the positive ones can help us to focus on our futures, enjoy what we have been given and entertain our lives in a manner which pleases us and those around us. Changes are an important part of the human experience and those who are afraid of change can find themselves being left behind while others around them grow and embrace what their lives have become because of it. My wish for everyone today is that they embrace the changes that will add to their lives and learn from the ones they have made that were maybe not the best choices to be made. This, is my hope.

Thank You Is Not Enough

I did not get to write yesterday as I was hosting a baby shower for my daughter who is expecting her first child, a little boy, that I fondly call Nesa to his mother's dismay! It kept me very busy with all the food that was to be prepared, the decorations that had to be put up to make the atmosphere festive and the presents that needed to be wrapped, but in the end, after all the stressing out about it being absolutely perfect for her, it was better than I could have hoped for. I owe so much to those who helped to make it what it was from the hubby who let me spend all his money on it, to those who helped with cleaning, prepping, decorating, cooking and especially all the guests who came to make it so perfect for her. There are no words to express my gratitude. What should be said or done to show people in a situation like this, just how much you appreciate them? Typically people would send out thank you cards, and we more than likely will do the same, but it never seems to be enough of a gesture. The feeling  is so much bigger and it has always felt so...minimal..to just send out a stack of cards. I hope the people who come through my door to help celebrate all these special occasions with us can feel how important their presence is to us by the foods I have prepared and the thought and planning that has gone into the event. I hope they all know how much I value them by these simple but heartfelt gestures of hospitality. Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves and you can tell immediately what their feelings are. I am not like that. Instead, I show people how much they mean to me by the foods I feed them and the effort I put towards making the experience a positive and memorable one for them. I just hope they know that their existence in my life is priceless.

Gratitude

Today I have been thinking a lot about gratitude. I have had some pleasantly unexpected things happen over the last couple days and the feeling of utter appreciation and gratitude I am experiencing has filled my day with such bliss...I can't even describe it. I have had unexpected gifts given to me by loved ones, both materialistically speaking and more importantly, emotionally speaking. I have had those within my circle show me  that I am appreciated, thought of, cared for and understood. I have been given support, courage and strength in a time of struggle for me and there are no amount of words in the world that could adequately describe how much that truly means to me. I have been given tokens of appreciation and affection, telling me that all I do for those around me does not go unnoticed and that they are grateful for what I do for them. I have had kind words, loving touches and comforting embraces that have helped me to steel myself against the urge to beat myself up over what I deem are my own flaws and insecurities. I know I don't realize it nearly often enough and I know I don't express how much these little things truly mean to me very well, but I want everyone who reads this to know how eternally grateful I am for this moment of clarity and to all who have helped me to be able to see it so well for the magick that it is. Thank you. I appreciate you. You honor me.

To Give Ourselves A Gift

As my last post stated, I am Wiccan, which means that today is my New Year. Most people make resolutions on this day but I think, personally, that one should not need a special occasion to change their lives for the positive. I am of the school of thought that if I have to mark it on a calendar for some future event, then I can't really want to change it that badly. Maybe I am just not really ready to make those changes. If one has to procrastinate it, then one is still afraid of it on some level. Perhaps it is fear of failure that makes us want to put it off, fear of the person you will become or the sacrifices you may need to make or those you may need  to leave behind. Whatever the reason, I just think if one wants to change, they can..in that very moment. So today, instead of saying that I will strive to meet some goal and give myself the next 365 days to accomplish it,  I am going to give myself the gifts that I have been denying myself in some way or another up to this point.  Today, I vow to gift myself with more understanding, more patience, more time and more self love. I will gift myself with more knowledge, all the blessings bestowed on me by family and friends, acceptance, joy and abundance. Today I will allow myself to be at peace with my world, to not worry about whether or not everything is going to be the way I think it should be and  to show my appreciation to those around me for the countless things they bring to my life. Today I will honor myself, and in doing so I honor every teacher and mentor I have ever had, no matter what the lesson they taught. Today, I gift myself with life and not just mere existence. All of this and yet so much more, I will give to myself  on this Pagan New Year because let's face it, if we don't give ourselves these things, no one else is going to either. I hope any who read this today will also gift themselves with the things that will enhance their lives and make them even more precious and special than they already are. If everyone was able to do this, I truly believe the world would be a much more understanding and harmonious place. Happy New Year to all my fellow Pagan's out there. May you all be blessed brightly this coming year!! For all the Christian's out there who may be reading this, I have not forgotten about you... Happy All Saints Day! For all those who fall in between or on the outsides of these definitions, I wish you all a beautiful day full of possibilities.

Superstitions and Sacred Celebrations

Blessed Samhain/Happy Hallowe'en! No matter what a person chooses to believe or buy in to, I am sure we can all agree that Samhain, pronounced Sow-en, is a time for celebration and excitement. For some, it is nothing more than a children's holiday, a chance to dress up in silly costumes and take the little ones out trick or treating, collecting the candies that will be responsible for next year's cavities. Others think it is a time for great parties, a chance to get together with friends and socialize while being able to express our more playful and childish sides. There are those who think it is nothing but a holiday meant to suck the money right out of the hard working pocket and then there are those to which tonight is celebrated with ritual and mysticism. I happen to belong to a little bit of the former categories and a whole lot of the last one. I am a Wiccan high Priestesss and tonight, for me and others with my beliefs, tonight is about honoring those who have passed before us and paying tribute to their spirits. Yes, you read me right, I..am a witch.. Being a witch has nothing to do with practicing TV/Movie magic, riding brooms, cursing the person who stole my parking spot or bespelling the cute guy down the street. I do not have a pet toad, I do not collect fetus's and I most certainly do not break the laws of man or the Universe. Being a witch is not something evil or sinister and it definitely does not mean I am in league with some devil person....in fact I do not even believe there is such a person. I do not believe in Heaven or Hell. I believe things to be neither good nor evil, instead owning that it up to each person as to how something will be perceived and accepted. I strive to live in balance in our world, respecting every plant, animal, person and idea. Each one of us has our own paths to walk and I try very hard not to press upon another individual my personal beliefs and choices in regards to spirituality or religious practices. I do hope to receive the same in return. There is a lot of misconceptions when it comes to Wicca or Paganism in general and to those who would truly like to understand it, I would do my best to answer your questions and curiosities. So,on this most magickal of nights for myself, I wish you all a Blessed Samhain, a Merry Celtic New Year and a Happy Hallowe'en...no matter how you choose to celebrate it!

Somebody's Watching

I, am a people watcher. I love to sit back and observe my environment and the people within in. It has always fascinated me to watch complete strangers and how they behave and  interact with one another and their environments when they don't realize someone is watching them. In those moments, even though we are strangers, I become a witness to their lives. Maybe some would not think that it is something special but I find it incredibly intimate. To be able to share in these passing moments with so many others who, for all intents and purposes, are complete strangers and to have my life touched and my perceptions changed just by the act of watching them...it is truly a remarkable thing.  I have seen the exchange of unconditional love between a parent and their child by the simple act of a hug or a smile, perhaps a laugh at something that was said or done. I have witnessed timeless respect and adoration between an elderly couple  who have spent their lives together and are more in love with each other in that moment than they have ever been before. I have seen new love bloom and old loves fade, new friendships formed and old friends reunited. I have watched siblings play, children learn and so many people enjoying all life has to offer them in those spans of time. Of course not all that I  have seen holds such bliss. I have also witnessed grief and loss, hurt and loneliness, betrayal and anger. I have seen pain, illness and too many broken spirits. I have seen a person contemplate their own moments of existence, another cry over a broken heart and still more struggle with the daily responsibilities of their lives. Our emotions are so personal to us. In those moments they are how we are defining ourselves.  How can watching those emotions manifest not be just as profound or humbling, as educational or painful? As I am often reminded, we do not live our lives in bubbles. Our actions, thoughts, words and deeds impact those around us, even if we don't realize it at the time. Perhaps this is a reminder to us all that we are never really alone, that there are those who are sharing our lives with us...even if it is in silence or from a distance. Perhaps that little bit of knowledge can help us to share our joy more willingly and shoulder the hardships of others for them a little more often. Perhaps just knowing someone is there, will make another's life feel that much more blessed.

To Be Or Not To Be Yourself

I had started to write about one thing and as it turns out, that must not be where my mind wanted to go because I kept stumbling about what should be said next. Perhaps it is just because I have yet to have my first cup of tea and that my eyes are still heavy and my brain a bit foggy from sleep. Whatever the reason is, the post that was going to be was obviously not meant to be...not today anyway. Today I am thinking about duality. How many people out there are not completely the person they really are? How many of us have this other side of who we are that for one reason or another can't or won't show itself to the world? I know that I have such a side and that for the time being anyway, that side rarely gets to come out and play.  I think everyone has these hidden sides to one degree or another. The person you are in a relationship was no doubt all sweet and trying to impress when you first met and now has sunk into this place of complacency where the trying to impress has been replaced with just trying to stay content. I am sure the trauma surgeon is not always thinking on their feet, making quick decision that alter the life of  the people they come in contact with and I am also sure that the court judge does not always sit there and judge everyone either. Everyone, I think, has an off and on switch, a time where they are one person and then another when their job or lives in general demand they be something else. My question is, how is one really suppose to know themselves, find themselves, discover themselves, when they can't just be themselves 24/7/365? It almost seems unfair to be handed such expectations but we get it from everyone all the time....just be yourself and everything will be ok. What if being yourself is not a good thing? Do we really want the mass murderer, or the serial rapist to be themselves? No..we want them to control those impulses, silence that part of their personalities.  In the end, although we tell people to be themselves, I am not sure the world really wants us to be. I think it wants us to be whatever it decides we should be for it's convenience and benefit.

Markings Of A Warrior

We all have scars. Some are physical, some emotional and some mental. Some scars remind us of bad times in our lives such as a traumatic experience, an accident or an injury. Some we bear with pride, knowing what they represent, the lessons they perhaps taught. Why is it that most people in this day and age see them as some sort of imperfection, something that needs to be covered or erased? Once upon a time, the scars we held were like a badge of honor. They proved our strength, our courage and our convictions. They showed the sacrifices we were willing to make. In my opinion, scars are beautiful no matter how a person has acquired them because every scar has a story to tell and it is those stories that really impress upon the world what we have really survived to be where we are.

There are the physical scars which when looking upon them give me an instantaneous memory of the events that caused them. I have one above my eyebrow where I was hit in the head with a 2 x 4 by an abusive partner. There is the one above my upper lip, small and thin now with the time that has passed, it tells the story of when I thought I was being oh so sneaky and tried to "borrow" my older brother's jeans and was rewarded by his dog protecting his property and biting me....I still laugh about that particular lesson to this day! There is the cigarette burn on my chest, another mark of abuse from my past and then there is the tiny little scar on my toe, from when my older sister, may she rest in peace,  had to get into the bathroom very quickly and my toe got hit with the bent corner of a vent cover in the process. The stretchmarks I have from carrying the lives of my children are yet more physical scars of remembrance for me as are the scars that took the  ability to have anymore children away from me out of medical necessity.

Then there are the scars that no one can see. The scars of our minds, hearts and sometimes our very souls. The ones that build our courage, our determination, our very character and behaviors. These are the ones that show us what we are truly made of, what we can overcome, rise above and survive. They are the reminders to us of the dark roads we take, the malignant people we have encountered, the dire circumstances we have found ourselves in and the lessons we have had to learn the hard way. I have many of these as well, as I am sure we all do. I carry scars from being brutally, violently raped as a child, scars from being abused verbally, physically, emotionally and mentally by a man I thought loved me. There are scars from being teased or being made the outcast during my teenage years and scars from loosing friends and gaining uncalled for enemies. I carry with me the  scars from the deaths of loved ones like the loss of my sister and my mom and the scars made from all the mistakes I feel I have made.

I have many scars which come in many forms and I wear every single one of them with pride for they are the story of my life and what I have made it through to get where I am standing. I am a survivor, a fighter and a warrior...and my beautiful scars are the markings that prove to myself and the world that I have made it through many battles and  I will continue to survive, to fight and to overcome everything I am faced with in my own stubborn, fierce way.

The first draft....

A very wise woman once told me..never stop writing..and so I am going to take her advice for once. I suppose I should start with the basics...who I am.  I am a mother, a wife, a soon to be grandmother,  a daughter, a sister, an aunt, great aunt, niece, cousin and friend. I am the maid, the medic, the librarian, the chef, the councilor, the playmate, the seamstress, the bank. I am the one who everyone needs a piece of, counts on, comes to and I love being all these things to all these different people. In my heart of hearts, I love being someone they all know they can rely on, depend on, lean on. There are times, though, when I would just love to be the one who gets to not listen, not do, not fix or supply or take care of. Today is one of those days. Today, my mind is busy. It is running though the myriad of things that I have kept shoving to the back of it, hoping that with time and distance it would somehow change my perceptions, my feelings, give me a new point of view so that I can process these things in a healthy manner that does not lead to the road of should of-would of-could of. Too often I end up down that road and it never amounts to progress. You can't change the past. You can only control what you do now, in this moment, to change your future. I know this. I believe this. But sometimes, sometimes it is so hard to actually follow this. Sometimes you just want to rant and rave, cry or scream, sit alone in a dark room and have your moment of self deprecating sorrow. Sometimes you just don't want to be a ray of sunshine because doing so is so exhausting!  It almost feels like hitting your head against a brick wall sometimes. Sometimes. But not all the time. There are those times when the world seems to lay itself at your feet. When unexpected things happen to put a smile across your face. Those are the times, I tell myself, that I am really living. Those are the times that makes the not so pleasant times more bearable. Those are the times when I can say to myself..it is worth it all..every sacrifice, tear, scream, sleep deprived night, exhausted day and moment of self doubt..it is worth it for this moment, this experience. Life is not all good, not all bad. It is not about whether you are lucky, it is about what you decide to make it. This..I also know. I also believe but this is also a concept that seems to be eluding me today. Instead of focusing on the positive, the things I want out of life, I find myself thinking about things that now I am without...people, circumstances, qualities I used to possess. I know I should be focusing on how to get back the things I feel are lost, finding a solution..making a plan..but that is just it. I don't know if all the things I am thinking about are things I should have back. I don't know if all of them add to my life or just give me something else to focus on so that I don't have to focus on the aspects of myself that I have been putting off looking at for so long.  How many of them are needed..wanted..desired to have just because? These are the questions I am currently filtering my back up of thoughts through. I have no more answers now than I had when I first started writing, but I do think that the very act of writing them out has somehow changed how I view them, which hopefully, fingers crossed, will help me to sort them out.  I am not sure what this blog will become. I am not sure if anyone will ever read it but what I am sure about is that today is just one day. Tomorrow is another day, a new beginning and a chance to maybe work out some of the kinks I am currently trying to process and put in it's proper place.